Ready to call it quits

[a-m]

Sooo some of you know about the semi regular problems Yvain and I have...
Jamie, Rach, and Kells Bells have tried to help me countless times.
But I'm getting to the point where after all these years, I'm about fed up.
Yvain and I have been together for nearly 5 years, 4 of them he has spent in the army. Take a wild guess as to how many letters, cards, etc I've gotten from him. NONE. EVER. It's killing me. I got a birthday card from him in December '07 when he came home for leave, and a birthday card/present in September '08 when he came home. I write to the boy nearly everyday, for the past 4 years! I will throw him atleast 2-3 emails a week, and on a very rare occasion will I ever hear back from him. He calls about once a month, if that sometimes. I'm in a one-sided relationship. I have come to realize that. God it sucks to say that too.
I asked Kells Bells for advice about a month ago, and she suggested I write to him and basically spill out my heart to him, which I did. And it was by far the best letter I could have ever written. I didnt say anything that he would find offensive and feel the need to 'defend' himself. I just laid my cards on the table and told him how it hurt me. How I feel like when I write to him or email him, its to an imaginary friend, because I never get a response. Well, he got the letter, and still nothing. He felt no need to reply. I havent heard from him in almost 2 weeks. and the last time we talked it was badddd!
The last time we had a good convo was almost 5 weeks ago. I can't do this. It's tearing me apart. I feel like I need him more than he needs me. If he doesnt want me there for him when he's deployed, I can't see myself being much use to him when he comes home. I know he loves me, well I think he does atleast. He says it all the time. But I cant understand why if you love someone, you would treat them like this. if you love someone like he says he loves me, then why isnt he missing me like I miss him. And why can he go weeks on end with out talking to me, like its nothing. I just don't understand. I really wanna stick it out and just keep fighting for this relationship, but I cant fight alone, and I can't do it forever.

Please help ladies. What else can I do?

[kelamarie]

oh a-m I am sorry to hear this love.
Have you tried over the phone (or even while he's been home) explaining how bad it feels when he doesn't give you responses to your email & letters? It's one thing to just say you hate never hearing from him, but if you explained that when he doesn't acknowledge what you do for him he is making it seem like he doesn't need you. If you both love each other you will be able to make it through these rough times. Military life isn't easy on either SO and we all have come to learn that :( . but perhaps he's just honestly not getting the picture?

[MrsJoey]

OH A-M.... :(
i hate this for you so much. i know how hard you've tried girl. i dont get why he wouldnt write back..did he even acknowledge he got the letter??
i dont know what to say-you know youre relationship better than anyone. i truly beleive in my heart the jerk loves you-i guess when theyre deployed they just dont think to clearly? i dont know.
he needs to communicate with you more, he needs to show you he loves you more. as far as mail-i never got a ton from joey though i sent it out every week. but i did get emails and phone calls when he got a chance.
*sigh* i wish i had the answer sweet girl :( this makes me sad. youre a kickass girl and i KNOW he knows that. he just needs some kind of wake up call.
any idea around when hes coming home next?

I LOVE YOU

[christina3019]

UH!!!! i would be going CRAZY! hmm i would just stop sending him letters let him think that maybe you gave up you know how you feel in your heart maybe write him and keep them then if he questions you later you can be like see i wrote you non stop! HMM i really dont know no one knows your relationship like you do so we cant tell you to give up i dont think anyone should EVER give up! just dont write anymore let him think about it!

[a-m]

He comes home next end of April beginning of May. Some time around there. I never talked to him in person about this, because every other time he called, almost daily... I mean seriously, all 3 other deployments we went through he called nearly everyday. Then after this most recent couple months, its like he just gave up on me. He doesnt call. I never got mail from him, so it's not like I'm expecting to all of a sudden get mail. But why did the phone calls and emails stop?
And the last time we talked [2-3 weeks ago], I asked him if he got 'the' letter. And he said yea, and I asked him okkk any insight? And he had absolutely nothing. HE CHANGED THE TOPIC. So, yea, he read the letter, but he's not acknowledging the fact that he's neglecting me I guess.

[JessicaLynn]

oh babygirl :tissue:
I felt so bad when you called. I wish I could have hugged you through the phone! Honestly, I have no idea why he is being such a butthead because Josh is doing the same thing. Maybe it's a c-town thing. I wanna say and hope maybe he's been really busy a work but then I kinda feel like "eh..no."
He better snap out of it and fast, just think 2/3 months left and that's not far at all <3
:bighug:

[a-m]

No, he's not busy at all. He has told me this is the most uneventful deployment ever. And john his buddy over there said they haven't done anything yet. They basically sit around, clean their guns and keep watch. Nothing big.

Maybe it is a c-town thing. Jerks!

[colleen]

oh A-M this sucks, I'm sorry for you. And I know I don't know your relationship that well, but here goes. We all know how deployments make the boys do stupid things that we never really understand.
Just remember you are young and beautiful and should be enjoying your college years and really discovering who you are. Relationships take work, and ours being military AND long-distance take even extra work. I am not saying give up at all, just make sure you are looking after yourself first and are truly happy. I hope he takes his finger out of his butt and dials your phone number soon so you can talk about it again, dont' be afraid to bring it up, good relationships are built on good communication.

I was reminded of this quote as well, something to think about:

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

:bighug:

[ReginaCherie]

oh honey this sucks. im so sorry. maybe you should try to talk to him in person when he gets back. if he trys to change the subject or get up and walk away sit on him. say we are going to talk about this. and dont let him get away. think about just a couple more months and you get to see him again. keep your chin up. love you.

[a-m]

I hope he takes his finger out of his butt and dials your phone number soon




bahahah. thanks colleen. next time I talk to him I'm gonna have to ask him if it hurt keeping his finger in his butt so long. bahahah.

[KristiMarie]

Oh my goodness girl. I know guys are not always the most affectionate people at times... but to me it seems like you have put soooo much into this. I wish I knew a way to help you... He better get his crap together... or the MTMH mafia will be after him. LOVE YOU. You know where to find us if you need anything. Do what your heart tells you is right, if you love him... things will work out!

[~SaBrInA_lEiGh~]

im with colleen and gina on this im sorry this is happening to you i know you love him stick it out by no means give up but find your happiness first

[Mary Cat]

I have a story for you...

Matt's BEST FRIEND is in the marines. Him and his g/f have been together for just over 5 years now. He's been deployed since last spring and he is going to be there until the spring of 2010 (2 years). She barely ever talks to him and he doesn't reply much to her when she tries to get ahold of him. He told Matt that it's mostly b/c the more he talks to her, the more he misses her and the harder it is.

I know it stinks honey but hopefully you guys can work things out. He's probably just trying to avoid his feelings of how much he really does miss you! :bighug:
Keep us updated

[~SaBrInA_lEiGh~]

mary is so right i agree but you still need to be happy yourself!

[Kristen]

I really don't know what to tell ya hun. Just try to talk to him about it and tell him that you're a little hurt. I hope everything gets figured out!!
:bighug:

[Lana]

This is so unfair to you, A-M! I'm sorry, lady. Guys can be such jerks and they don't even REALIZE what they're doing half the time. But if you are doing all this for him.... then maybe you should try talking to him on the phone? IF he calls. But just tell him that this is a make it or break it kind of situation and that you're at the end of your chain. I wish I could go kick him in the tush, but unfortunately if I did that I'd have to collar Nick's ass and drag him back AND then Josh AND him......and the army would probably frown upon that.

[~SaBrInA_lEiGh~]

lana your a freaking whoot and somehow i think wed have to kidnap scott off the ship for gina too... and the marines wouldnt like that either oh and justin for kathryn too

[Lana]

Seriously. I'd have a trailing line of guys behind me in chains haha

[Kathryn]

Hahaha!!! That's hilarious!!! Ya'll are AWESOME!

[~SaBrInA_lEiGh~]

lets do it i mean thats alot of men but our ladies need some loving come saturday..lol

[Lana]

Jess and I will commence work on the underwater car. Yes... it'll be soon.

[~SaBrInA_lEiGh~]

i think were going to need a bus..lol

[Lana]

...Crap you're right.

[~SaBrInA_lEiGh~]

lol maybe a double decker and the upstairs can be tour bus status so when we pick them up the ladies and gents can disappear... if you know what i mean

[Kathryn]

I'm down! We should probably start now. We have many countries to go to to get our men back before Saturday. Bow chica wow wow :headboard:

[~SaBrInA_lEiGh~]

lol ok what do we need oh first we need to go to vegas and steel there double stacked bus and then find out how to turn it into a submarine bus that we can also still drive on land

[Kathryn]

http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c33/kaynlex/501704135_a8a41d0350.jpg

I do believe the submarine bus has already been invented! Now we have to go to Disneyland and steal it from Nemo...and pray it works...

[~SaBrInA_lEiGh~]

omg thats awesome dude lets go..lol... Kathryn your awesome dude... well have to get a beer to say:cheers:with.. lol

[Mary Cat]

You girls are crazy!
But if you're going to steal my man, I'm down for helping out :D

[~SaBrInA_lEiGh~]

yep yep hes on the theft list

[Cortnie DeNise]

My suggestion would be to let him know that you are here for him and then let him come to you. That means that he is going to have to step it up and put in some effort. I wouldn't write to him everyday or email 2-3 times a week bc he is used to that...let him want to come to you and see how you are doing. Give him some space [[yeah I know like being deployed isn't enough]], but some mind space. Deployments are tough and it can play with their minds. We are here for you...you can talk to me on here, yahoo messenger [[oldschool04chick]], Myspace, Facebook, or PM your number and I can text or talk to you. We all have our days of good and bad. I would say that while he is deployed I would stick it out, but would give him some mind space. I wouldn't take a break or anything until deployment is over. :bighug::bighug::bighug:

[~SaBrInA_lEiGh~]

corts got a point ya kno

[a-m]

So last night I hit the point after talking to James and Chris (two of my besttt friends from my old college), and I really wanted to write the 'f*** you' letter. But then I realized, even though this boy is driving me crazy... I've been through too much with him, and I am wayyyy too stubborn to ever leave him...
So I'm kinda gonna follow a mix of Colleen, Christina, and Cortnie's advice. I'm just not really gonna write to him or email him. Not so much make him think I forgot about him... but not make him so much of a priority like that anymore. Haha I know that sounds bad when you put it like that. And like Cortnie said, I'll let him come to me. And if he doesn't, then he doesn't.

[MrsJoey]

good plan girl--i know you love him,and i KNOW he loves you. guys are just big idiots sometimes :(
keep me updated--i LOVE YOU!

[a-m]

Thanks Kells Bells! You knowwww I will keep you updated! Btw, Sorry I havent been texting/emailing you much lately... I'm trying to give you some extra space with hubs while he's home.
Love youuu<3