What not to do...

[Erin]

Okay I know when our men leave it's really hard. And if any of y'all have done this...well accept my apology in advance.

But I can not stand it when the wives/fiances/gf's hold on for dear life and ask their men not to leave. Seriously. They don't really have a choice, unless you want them to leave for prison instead!! The LAST thing deploying soldiers need to hear is someone begging them to stay!! As if they are really stoked about going to A WAR ZONE. I can't stand it. That is the one thing that bugs me more than anything else.

And believe me, I know it's hard. I've had to say goodbye to M many many times myself. And I'm not going to say that I don't cry...I mean I try not to but I'm a cry-er. But ugh I just cannot stand that!!

[Katie]

I 100% agree with you Erin. I actually have seen this more than once. I was pretty disgusted!!! I'm not going to lie, Josh and I have joked about it in bed the night before, but that is becuase he and I joke in situations when we are feeling stress or anxiety. That is our method of coping.... For example... With my medical crap, he is always cracking jokes about "when you kick the bucket I am using your 100K life insurance for a down payment on an Audi R8..." Now he wouldn't really do that and he doesn't really want me to pass, but it is how he deals with the stress of me being sick becuase deep down he really really worries about it... so instead he jokes about it... So... The night before his deployement we were joking and I would say... "You sure you don't want to just go to Canada with me and the kids? Or mexico? it's not too late...." And we would laugh.. But he knew I wasn't serious.

I couldn't imagine crying and causing a scene, or making your spouse feel more guilt than he is already feeling about having to leave... your right Erin he doesn't have a choice.. other than going to jail, getting booted from the service... ruining his and your life... what a choice ehhh?

I try my hardest not to get overly emotional saying goodbye to him, becuase he said it makes it really hard on him... but I can't help it I do cry... but not sobbing uncontrollably... I reallly try with everything in me to hold it until i get to the car.. then I lose it a little more... then I try to make it to the house... Then it's like the hoover damn lets loose... for a little bit. But then.. I pick myself up... and carry on. I know it sounds heartless but its how I am, the deal I make with myself and Hubs. But I think it may have made it a little easier that he left almost right out of basic and AIT, so we only lived together for 2 weeks before he deployed... so I really hadn't adjusted to living with him back in the house again, Ya know what I mean? I was like ... I can TOTALLY do this!!!

[Erin]

Omg Katie we are the same way!! We joke like that too!! I'll be like...the drive to Canada is only like 20 hours. lol

And he knows I'm going to cry. He knows it's hard. I know he's going to cry too!! But we do whatever we can to make it easier, right? I usually just break down for a little while after he leaves...it's usually when I see his shoes by the door lol. I am still human after all.

[Katie]

Exactly..... I really think all our joking helps us cope with the stress.

There is nothing wrong with crying... Honestly.. I do it too. Especially when I crawl into bed and I roll over and smell his pillow... or when I go to reach for something and I can't reach it and I go to yell "HUN can you help me reach the _____?" (he always does it for me becuase I am only 5'0... and so when I can't reach anything in the house it makes me realize how much I miss him.... and makes me really sad, then I break down... I know that sounds totally silly.

[Kira]

When Adam left for BCT I was actually relieved, I know that sounds heartless but I just new this was the right choice for our family. Now when he came home for Christmas it was hard to see him go back and I cried but I knew I was going to see him soon. I'm not sure how I will handle a deployment but I am ready for it. I just feel like it's dragging, I want dates, I want to know now, I can't wait for him to go so I can just think about how soon he will return. Again I know I sound heartless but I know what we go into and I'm ready or at least I think I am.

I joke all the time about him, when we went to get the new car I made a joke that if he died it's OK I am 500,000 richer ca-ching! They were appaulled but Adam knows I do not mean it. I guess with my dad passing away when I was young I never take a moment for granted anyway.

[Kathryn]

I completely agree with yall. It's not like they have a choice in the matter!!! When J has to go back to Cali from being on leave I'll tell him i dont want him to leave but never in the way yall are talking about..lol And I will NEVER cry infront of him(or atleast try not too). He hates when I cry..especially over something like him leaving bc it makes it feel it's his fault..even though I tell him constantly it's not. I knew what I was getting myself into when we started dating...lol So I always wait till I drop him off at the airport before I start bawling my eyes out..lol

[Erin]

When M went back after R&R I dropped him off at the elevator of the parking garage (we both prefer it this way) he then went to ATL and had a really long layover...like 8 or 9 hours. He said that some families just sat there all day crying and moping and stuff. We ending up talking on the phone off and on the whole day joking and whatnot. It was so much easier once we got that goodbye out of the way!

[Katie]

Yeah Josh and I made the mistake 1 time of getting the pass for me to go right to the gate with him (I wasn't aware until then that they will let you do that) anyway... SO A BAD IDEA.... OMG... I tried so hard to be tough and strong and hold it together, but everytime I looked at him I welled up, and I would choke it back down... but hten I would try to crack a joke and end up tearing up at the end, it was awful.... so we decided never again, we kiss outside the airport smoke a butt together, hug say our see you soons and then he goes in..... and he says he likes to watch me go the wrong way out the exit everytime becuase i am always a wreck....lol

[KristiMarie]

haha ERin... John-Mark and I used to always say we were gona run away to canada and live in the woods. LOL. But him and I cant do serious to save our lives lol.

I joked around with him to not leave too, and joked that we could always run to canada, but like you girls said, I was NEVER serious about him not going! I knew its what he has to do, and he likes being in Iraq.. so I support him

[Meredith]

I always leave Mike in the parking lot too Erin!! I hate wives that are clingy and beg them to stay! Like you said they can't just be like ok! I'll stay!! I do ask Mike on occasion on the phone to come home lol but it's more of a joke and just a different way of me telling him I miss him! The day Mike deployed I dropped him off in the parking lot at Ft Lewis at like 9 or whatever time he had to be there and left...they said I could stay until noon but why drag it out?? Just say good bye its so much easier!!

[Belinda]

I can't speak for deployment, but I know every time Erik leaves for training or to go back after leave, we usually joke much as you guys do. Especially when we're up in Michigan, Canada's just a hop skip and a jump away. :)

I usually walk him to right before security. Kiss him, hold his hands, give him a big hug, and at some point, tell him that he needs to go through security before I get to the point that I can't let him go. And at that point, I kiss him again, blink back tears until he's out of sight, then turn around and cry. (I'm getting all teary thinking about it.) I never beg him not to go, never, because I know that it would break his heart. He struggles enough just trying not to cry as he leaves, I couldn't make it worse by begging him to stay.

[Meredith]

exactly belinda...like really?? begging him only makes it harder and he begging him wont change it so why do it?? Just take a deep breath, hold your chin up high tell him you love him and kiss him and walk away...it's ok to cry!! crap you're leaving him for months...but dont beg...its slightly...pathetic lol.

[68WhiskeyWife]

I know that I've never been through this before like you ladies have. I met Josh the day after he got home from basic, and the only time he's been away was for drill. We weren't even really seeing each other when he did his two weeks, but he did call me every day. I am actually the only one who remembered his birthday while he was away. This summer they're sending him to South America with his unit to do some releif work but he'll only be gone for like three weeks to a month. I know it will be hard to watch him go, and I can't imagine how you ladies do it so my hats off to you all.

[52409JERNBDW]

to Katie being 5ft, YES IM NOT THE ONLY SHORT ONE! lol and i would cry too, this will be my first deployment with James, but his second, im going to try and wait till the next day in the shower, hahahahahaha! im so going to choke when im standing there with him, and yeah i do get a little choked up when he is about to go back to NC when his Leave is over. the last one for Christmas, was the hardest because i just spent over a month with him, and then just a few days later he goes on a little over a month long training with no service? yeah, it is still hard. but this is also helping me cope with him leaving for seven or so months, i remember the FIRST time i met James, and when he was leaving for memorial weekend leave, "im not going to cry because i know for a fact you cant stay" i might tear up but i don't really cry, *cough* new years *cough* anyways lol

[Tissa]

I'm kinda strange it that I usually don't cry till a few days after he leaves but then again he's never been gone for more then a month so you never know.

I'll never forget the day he left for WTC (Basic for prior enlisted) I took him to the Armory which is only like 10 blocks from our house and it hadn't really hit me yet. But just as we were saying good bye his eyes started to tear up and I held it in a bit but right after he and the recruiter drove out of the parking lot I sat there and cried for several minutes.

We joked about stuff to when he was suppose to deploy but the crazy thing is I cried when we found out he wasn't going too. This is what these guys work for and even as a wife I was all geared up for him to leave. I mean I didn't want him to go but I was trying to support him.

[Erin]

Omg I let it out!!! The person who led me to write this kinda kept going on and then started telling other wives that it's perfectly fine to just cry in front of your husband. I basically wrote back saying, no it's not.

I feel better.

And a little bitchy.

[soldiersgurl23]

My husband just left March 8th. This is our first deployment. And I tryed so hard not to cry but I did more because my daughter just turn one and she dont understand whats going on and he is going to miss so much. And also alot of things happen before he left thats a whole diffenet story. But I never begged for him to stay I know thats his job and when I married him I knew it would happen one day. Im so proud of him for what he does. It was hard for the first few days just because I thought I would go weeks without talking to him. But hell he has a cell phone and we talk everyday. My little girl is having a hard time she has been waking up in the middle of the night throwing fits. But she is getting better. And he will be home in Aug for R&R and get to see his new baby. So everything will work out.

[Meredith]

Omg I let it out!!! The person who led me to write this kinda kept going on and then started telling other wives that it's perfectly fine to just cry in front of your husband. I basically wrote back saying, no it's not.

I feel better.

And a little bitchy.

LMAO there's always THAT wife!! haha. My POC's hubs didn't deploy with the unit, he got assigned to rear d after knee surg, and we got the "i know p isn't deploying but I've been through it before and I'm always here to listen" its like SHUT UP! We've allllll been through it before (well at least the girls she was talking to cause all our hubs were there together the last time) It's kinda like you just want to be left alone to deal with it in your own way...i dont need someone rubbing my back telling me it will be ok. I know it will...Im just gunna deal MY way...

[dawgangel24]

I always wait until he's gone and I'm alone to really just boo hoo...I need like 5 minutes of just absolute bawling completely by myself and I'm perfectly fine. Of course I tear up in front of him, but he knows I've never been "allowed" to show my emotions like that (long story with that terrible woman that gave birth to me) so he knows that it's all new and I'm learning about emotions and all. Plus I've come to realize what ya'll have been talking about...it's completely out of any of our control, so it's a waste of time to be all Scarlett O'Hara about it, right?

[ReginaCherie]

when sscott left me a friend where sitting in the back of her truck and the guys were standing on the flight deck of the ship, he couldnt see me cry. but i never told him not to go. i now i put a "i wish you didnt have to go to." but i dont think thats the same.

[Erin]

It's not the same. We have the "army is gay" conversations all the time...lol

[ReginaCherie]

oh yea we have those talks all the time. only about the marines lol.

[Meredith]

lol. the army is pretty gay ;) I'm guessing the marines probably are too heheh

Lora, I'm the same way! I teared up in front of him but I save the absolute bawling to do by myself. I was fine by the time I got back to our apartment lol (prob shouldnt have drove that way but I wanted to be FAR away from Ft Lewis)

and Regina, I agree I think saying I wish you don't have to go is nowhere near the same! I think they need to hear we wish they weren't leaving!! I think they feel guilty when you beg them to stay. I know when I get upset about something that sucks because of the army Mike feels like it's his fault even when it's not!