Lauren_USMC_love
12-22-2009, 04:16 AM
Hey ladies! Sorry I'm not on here as much anymore. It's so hard to keep up with everything nowadays. Between being now about 30 1/2 weeks prego with Oden, sorting out things like car insurance and other adult responsibilities that we all know suck, and my marriage life is just so tiring now. I've also (as bad as it sounds) kinda been avoiding here. It's not you ladies, it's things with Levi. But ladies I need you more now than ever. I said in my vows "for better or worse" i was going to stand by Levi. Up until this point I have been; keeping my head held high and even throwing away some friendships. But I don't know anymore.
I can't tell everything for certain reasons. What happened is Levi was doing some last major training in July, but ever since he got back he was different. Some people said that it was just that I hadn't known Levi that long but when his own family started noticing a lot of changes, i knew it wasn't me. I'm earning my degree in college to become a college and I'm a trained mediator, so I started using some of those methods to say if maybe I could talk Levi through whatever was in his mind. (With a deployment coming up and him finding out he was going to be a father those were my first conclusions.)
Levi started having really bad anxiety attacks it seemed. He'd jump at the slightest noises, things that never bothered him before. He got angry a lot more. And even started raising his voice at me. He never made a threatening remark or made me feel as if I were in danger, but his anger did scare me. I tried to hide it, smile through the bad times, and do whatever I could to make him happy. Being pregnant made things better and worse. He tried taking things easier on me since I was prego, but if he ever felt I was in harms way or one of the guys would say a light joke about me, Levi would snap. Get in the guys face, threaten him. When we came home for pre-deployment, everything settled down. Levi wasn't as tense. Still a little jumpy and angry, but not even close to how he was in Cali. When it came early morning the Levi was supposed to deploy, everything got thrown around. He had formation at 5:15am, we were on the rode by 3:30am. Levi originally wanted to go to Canada. I tried talking him out of it, but it was made clear the only option he would allow is us driving back to IN...and that's what we did. Even with him going UA, I still stood by Levi. Still was proud to call him my husband.
A couple days after arriving back here to IN, Levi was on a plane back to base in Cali. I stayed here. He's been there ever since. He was still looking at possibly deploying, but they wanted to do an evaluation. It didn't come back too good. He's currently non-deployable and goes to counseling every other week. They are "hoping" to change him back to the way he used to be, but more and more it seems like a lost hope. In a way that's good. He'll most likely get discharged and never be deployed. But it's also bad. I can't work for at least another 3 months and I plan on breastfeeding so that'll be hard to work around. Levi is our only income. He provides our food, insurance, everything. And I thought things couldn't get worse.
I was wrong. Those of you who are friends on mine on facebook might have noticed the sudden changes in status and my relationship went to "complicated" on Friday. That's the day I found out my husband cheated on me...twice. After questioning and questioning I've found out the first time was the day before he was supposed to deploy while I was waiting in the hotel room for him to "get off of work". The other time was on the 12th of this month while I was spending the night at his parents. Both times he went to a massage place, which the locals and military wives at 29 know are also prostitute houses. $45 for sex. I really thought he was working later the 1st time. The second time he told me he got a "massage" after working out. I suspected something. Even asked "Did you cheat on me?" He said no. He promised. :waterworks:
I love Levi! I'm pregnant with his son. I've been a devoted wife, always doing what I can to make him happy. I asked him why and he told me he didn't know. He took off his wedding band both times. After he told me, he just treated me like crap soon after for the rest of that day. I had enough and told him if he wanted out, I'd file for divorce. He wouldn't have to pay child support or anything. I've taking care of myself up until now, I would find a way to survive as a single mom. 2am his time (5am mine) he called me crying. He said he didn't want to lose me or Oden. That he loved and was going to do everything he could to get my trust back. I told him it was his one and only chance.
Because of OPSEC I can't give details, only to say Levi will be flying home soon. I want to hug him, and kiss him, and show him how much I've missed him the past few months, but another part of me is so confused. We used to webcam at night; I can't even look at him because I'll I do is see images of him with those girls. What do I do? I want to make this marriage work again. I don't want Oden to be brought up in a broken home like I was raised, but I don't know what to do. When I pick him up at the airport with my dad (and yes my dad knows, but he says we'll just have to work it out. And no matter what he was standing by my decision.) part of me wants to hug and kiss him again; just forget the bad. But another part of me just wants to sock the ass in the face and kick him where Oden came from.
Sorry this is so long, but I need my military wives, gfs, fiances advice on this one. How do I deal with this betrayal? :waterworks:
I can't tell everything for certain reasons. What happened is Levi was doing some last major training in July, but ever since he got back he was different. Some people said that it was just that I hadn't known Levi that long but when his own family started noticing a lot of changes, i knew it wasn't me. I'm earning my degree in college to become a college and I'm a trained mediator, so I started using some of those methods to say if maybe I could talk Levi through whatever was in his mind. (With a deployment coming up and him finding out he was going to be a father those were my first conclusions.)
Levi started having really bad anxiety attacks it seemed. He'd jump at the slightest noises, things that never bothered him before. He got angry a lot more. And even started raising his voice at me. He never made a threatening remark or made me feel as if I were in danger, but his anger did scare me. I tried to hide it, smile through the bad times, and do whatever I could to make him happy. Being pregnant made things better and worse. He tried taking things easier on me since I was prego, but if he ever felt I was in harms way or one of the guys would say a light joke about me, Levi would snap. Get in the guys face, threaten him. When we came home for pre-deployment, everything settled down. Levi wasn't as tense. Still a little jumpy and angry, but not even close to how he was in Cali. When it came early morning the Levi was supposed to deploy, everything got thrown around. He had formation at 5:15am, we were on the rode by 3:30am. Levi originally wanted to go to Canada. I tried talking him out of it, but it was made clear the only option he would allow is us driving back to IN...and that's what we did. Even with him going UA, I still stood by Levi. Still was proud to call him my husband.
A couple days after arriving back here to IN, Levi was on a plane back to base in Cali. I stayed here. He's been there ever since. He was still looking at possibly deploying, but they wanted to do an evaluation. It didn't come back too good. He's currently non-deployable and goes to counseling every other week. They are "hoping" to change him back to the way he used to be, but more and more it seems like a lost hope. In a way that's good. He'll most likely get discharged and never be deployed. But it's also bad. I can't work for at least another 3 months and I plan on breastfeeding so that'll be hard to work around. Levi is our only income. He provides our food, insurance, everything. And I thought things couldn't get worse.
I was wrong. Those of you who are friends on mine on facebook might have noticed the sudden changes in status and my relationship went to "complicated" on Friday. That's the day I found out my husband cheated on me...twice. After questioning and questioning I've found out the first time was the day before he was supposed to deploy while I was waiting in the hotel room for him to "get off of work". The other time was on the 12th of this month while I was spending the night at his parents. Both times he went to a massage place, which the locals and military wives at 29 know are also prostitute houses. $45 for sex. I really thought he was working later the 1st time. The second time he told me he got a "massage" after working out. I suspected something. Even asked "Did you cheat on me?" He said no. He promised. :waterworks:
I love Levi! I'm pregnant with his son. I've been a devoted wife, always doing what I can to make him happy. I asked him why and he told me he didn't know. He took off his wedding band both times. After he told me, he just treated me like crap soon after for the rest of that day. I had enough and told him if he wanted out, I'd file for divorce. He wouldn't have to pay child support or anything. I've taking care of myself up until now, I would find a way to survive as a single mom. 2am his time (5am mine) he called me crying. He said he didn't want to lose me or Oden. That he loved and was going to do everything he could to get my trust back. I told him it was his one and only chance.
Because of OPSEC I can't give details, only to say Levi will be flying home soon. I want to hug him, and kiss him, and show him how much I've missed him the past few months, but another part of me is so confused. We used to webcam at night; I can't even look at him because I'll I do is see images of him with those girls. What do I do? I want to make this marriage work again. I don't want Oden to be brought up in a broken home like I was raised, but I don't know what to do. When I pick him up at the airport with my dad (and yes my dad knows, but he says we'll just have to work it out. And no matter what he was standing by my decision.) part of me wants to hug and kiss him again; just forget the bad. But another part of me just wants to sock the ass in the face and kick him where Oden came from.
Sorry this is so long, but I need my military wives, gfs, fiances advice on this one. How do I deal with this betrayal? :waterworks: