I could just scream right now!!

[Nuky Loves Nue]

Ok, my daughter is very intelligent. She has always been on the A or A-B honor roll. No I am not one of those parents who have the bumper sticker, but I have always been very proud of her none the less. She has two teachers; one is very good and the other one is good, but a little rough around the edges and not what Mychalla is used to having. She is from New York and a bit edgy if you know what I mean. Anyway, Mychalla is having a lot of problems in her class. She has A's in the other teacher's class, but she has C's and D's in the "problem" class. This has been an on-going issue since the end of Christmas (and I just found out about it the end of January). We have been working really REALLY hard the past couple of weeks since we found out about her grades to get her going on them, and to get the help she needs. I spend on average 2 hours a night with her going over her homework. She was very sick the 11, 12, and 13 of February so she missed school. I picked up her homework on Friday and we worked on it all weekend. She went to school on Tuesday. I check her homework folder this morning and two of the papers we worked on were marked late and she got a 70% on both of them even though all the answers were correct. She also had another paper in there that was marked late. I am not one to sit still for this so I went to the school at 7:30 this morning to talk to the teacher. She tells me Mychalla had to be reminded to turn in her work not only by her teacher, but also from her aide, and still she didn't do it. I am so angry right now I could spit ten-penny nails. I don't know what to do. I have grounded her, taken away her computer, tv, and all privileges. I have scolded, yelled, calmly explained, and screamed. What do I have to do to get it through to her she is failing 5th grade??? I know she is frustrated that she will only get to see her dad for less than a month before he gets deployed, but the problem started before this. It just seems to get worse with the upcoming deployment. I know a lot of you do not have older kids, but is there something you would do if you were in this situation? I am open to any advice because right now I am about ready to tan her hide. Please help me....I am losing my mind!!!

[Katie]

**HUGS**

Being mom SUCKS sometimes. lol. Rest assured that although I don't know you all that well yet, I can tell that you are a wonderful parent.

I think what your encountering is extremely common. My neighbors daughter is very bright like your daughter A & B student, ,but has a class that she keeps failing out of (in 6th grade) Her father also recently deployed but the problem began before that but was made worse by it. I think taking away privleges is a great start. I know I do this with the boys and my neighbor does it with her daughetr and they can EARN them back. I do not have a specific solution to the prob as we are still trying to figure it out as well. BUT... I wanted you to know your not alone and it sucks. Some how you have got to get her to remember on her own, I realized this with Adrian otherwise, I am only worsening the prob.


HUGS

[Courtney]

I do not have a child in school yet but I have 2 brothers who almost failed every year because they wouldn't turn in work. They are both very intelligent just like your daughter, but just didn't want to do their work. Not to discourage you but they never really grew out of it. They are boys though, so it could just be a stage your daughter is going through. Or she could resent this teacher and refuse to do anything for her since you said she is doing well in her other class. I can't really say what I would do because I haven't been put in this situation, but maybe just sit her down and say what you said to us. Tell her you've tried everything to motivate her to do better, so what does she suggest you do now. Maybe she'll open up to you about what is causing this misbehavior. Sorry not much help...

[Christy]

I was known for not turning in my homework on time growing up. One time, I went to my parents on a Sunday and said I had a report due tomorrow and they stayed up till 2 AM helping me do it, or basically doing it for me. My Mom asked my teacher what grade I got on the report and the teacher told her that I never turned it in. Needless to say, my parents were pretty pissed. It came to the point where my Mom actually had to let me fail. She covered for me for so long and in 9th grade, (yes, I was that bad all the way through school) I got held back. I was a credit and a half behind. My Mom told me that there was nothing she could do for me, and she was right. It was a bitter pill to swallow. But, I can honestly say, I learned my lesson. Since she is younger, maybe set up something to make it look like you can't help her, does that make sense???

[Nuky Loves Nue]

Thank you so much for the support Katie and it was a lot of help Courtney. You both are great and I feel privileged to have met you both.

My daughter was born with a rare genetic disorder. She is missing the radius bones in her arms, causing her hands to turn in at a ninety degree to her arms and she can not lift her arms higher than shoulder length. They are very short in relation to the rest of her body. She has had 6 surgeries on one of her arms and both of her legs. She is also developing extremely fast. The last bra size I got her was a 36 C (did I mention she is 11?). She is a trooper and has always stood up for herself. Well, I just got a call from the school and she is being teased about her arms. I guess some little &&%%$$##@@ at lunch at a different table, but right next to the one she sits at, is going "eww I can't eat because my arms are too short and can't reach my mouth". Now I just want to march down there and stand over her shoulder, but I know that will just make it worse. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

[Nuky Loves Nue]

Christy,

It really does make sense. Thank you so much for your input. I really appreciate it. I think I might have to do that.

[Christy]

Oh, that is so not cool. Children are just so cruel. I have a lazy eye and growing up it was really out in right field as I like to call it and they used to torment me left and right. And for my hair, because it's naturally curly. You name it, they said it. It broke my Moms heart left and right and mine. But just tell her to stay strong and to ignore it. I know what you mean about wanting to go down there, but trust me, that will make it worse. Just remind her that she is a beautiful girl and that those kids will get what is coming to them in the future. Ever see the Pearl Jam video for their song "Jeremy"? I swear, back in the day, that would have been me if my Father owned a gun. That's how bad it got. lol I'm sorry that you're going through this! :bighug:

[Katie]

Samme,

I have a bit of experience with the developing too fast thing too... lol.. I was a B cup by the time I was in 2nd grade. By the time I hit 7/8th grade I was a DD no joke. I got my Period when I was 8 (talk about growing up too fast) Kids suck, they are miserable cruel individuals. It hurts really bad to see the kids we love suffering at the hands of ignorant people. Your daughter is going to be a very strong woman, I PROMISE.
Resist the urge to go stand over her...lol. Talk to her about it, teach her how beautiful being unique is, how being barbie is overrated, Tell her that she is developing so fast physically becuase mentally she is more mature than others, Tell her other girls her age coudln't handle being a woman yet... (my mom told me that ;-) And then I didn't see it as such a bad thing I thought it was special ) If she learns self respect now, it will be far harder for the bullys to tear her down. Kudos to her for being such a tough cookie!!!

I also agree with Christy!!!

[Nuky Loves Nue]

Thank you so much! I love Pearl Jam and that video. I developed early too, but lost all of my breasts to Mychalla LOL. All of the woman in my family are either D or DD, but I am back to a B/C. I do well with rolling and duct tape to keep them up though, LOL. Once again, thank you for your support and understanding. I feel much better just talking to you guys about it. You all are awesome!!

[Courtney]

Couldn't have said it better. I am so sorry you both are going through this.

Samme,

I have a bit of experience with the developing too fast thing too... lol.. I was a B cup by the time I was in 2nd grade. By the time I hit 7/8th grade I was a DD no joke. I got my Period when I was 8 (talk about growing up too fast) Kids suck, they are miserable cruel individuals. It hurts really bad to see the kids we love suffering at the hands of ignorant people. Your daughter is going to be a very strong woman, I PROMISE.
Resist the urge to go stand over her...lol. Talk to her about it, teach her how beautiful being unique is, how being barbie is overrated, Tell her that she is developing so fast physically becuase mentally she is more mature than others, Tell her other girls her age coudln't handle being a woman yet... (my mom told me that ;-) And then I didn't see it as such a bad thing I thought it was special ) If she learns self respect now, it will be far harder for the bullys to tear her down. Kudos to her for being such a tough cookie!!!

I also agree with Christy!!!

[Lisa]

I don't have any kids so I don't know how much help this will be but to me it sounds like she's doing a LOT of work. Is there any way you can make this class more fun for her? I know where I always lost track in school was stuff that wasn't fun. If it was I would try harder. My other problem though was that If I didn't get something, I would just shut down. Like even if I was trying it was like my brain would just shut down, it's still kind of like that for me.

[KristiMarie]

No offence... that is CRAZY a teacher is grading 11 year olds that hard. I could see in college or highschool... but she is 11...

[snwalways41903]

ok i dont have kids this age, but when my grades slipped my dad took away all my jeans and tshirts!!! (mind you im not in any way a girlie girl) and he replaced them with dresses, bows and dress shoes, and took my makeup away!!! as funny as it is i didnt keep my grades down for long, i did everything possible to get extra credit and everything, he took my softball glove so i couldnt play when he was at work, he hit me where it hurt!! so just like put her on lockdown from the time she gets home till the time she goes to bed, no phone calls, no friends etc, my dad used to make me get up an hour earlier and sit at the table studying, make her study at the table so you know she isnt in her room doing whatever she wants to do! well sorry im not much help my oldest starts school in august!!! good luck hun!!

[ReginaCherie]

yea rylie isnt old enough for school yet. but sister myhas this problem and my mom put her in a after school homework club thing. it seems to be working. i hope things get better.

[Cortnie DeNise]

I would take her privileges away, but it has to be something she loves. The consequence needs to be related to the behavior. Homework time begins when you get home from school and I don't know how possible this is, but maybe you can make a form that says turned in homework, and have the teacher sign it each time your daughter turned in her homework on time. When she has so many signatures start she can earn some privileges back. Also tell her that she is a beautiful person and that if kids don't have anything nice to say that shouldn't say anything at all. It can be hard feeling like you are diff from your peers, but tell her to keep her head up, and that she was created uniquely and just how she needs to be.

[Belinda]

I know this is something that I myself struggled with in school. My problem was that I have two younger siblings, one of whom has autism, and they always got a lot of attention. Now, when it came to me, it seemed I'd just bring home the good grades, my parents would nod, smile, say "as expected", then go back to worrying about my younger siblings. So I started doing badly mostly to get attention, though I'm not sure I realized that fully at the time.
I don't know how much this applies to your situation, but know that she's probably struggling a lot with her dad going away, learning how to deal with the bullies at school, and with the fact that she's starting to mature (which is always crazy emotionally and physically).
I say definitely help her try to get organized and set up a system of rewards and punishments, but you also need to just sit down with her and talk about this. Ask her why she didn't get things in, how she's feeling, if there's anything you can do to make things easier for her, etc. Above all else, make sure she knows you're there for her no matter what, and you're always going to love her.

[~SaBrInA_lEiGh~]

No offence... that is CRAZY a teacher is grading 11 year olds that hard. I could see in college or highschool... but she is 11...

:stupid:seriously and the kids are ruthless my mom had to let my older sister fail but she was so determined after that that she went crazy and ended up graduating from highschool 2 yrs early... not saying your girl will go completely phyco but shell step up her game again if not better

[Erin]

ok i dont have kids this age, but when my grades slipped my dad took away all my jeans and tshirts!!! (mind you im not in any way a girlie girl) and he replaced them with dresses, bows and dress shoes, and took my makeup away!!! as funny as it is i didnt keep my grades down for long, i did everything possible to get extra credit and everything, he took my softball glove so i couldnt play when he was at work, he hit me where it hurt!! so just like put her on lockdown from the time she gets home till the time she goes to bed, no phone calls, no friends etc, my dad used to make me get up an hour earlier and sit at the table studying, make her study at the table so you know she isnt in her room doing whatever she wants to do! well sorry im not much help my oldest starts school in august!!! good luck hun!!

Omg your dad is awesome!!!

I think I agree with Christy most here. You know better than any of us, but it sounds like she's getting to be old enough to need to take the responsibility herself. She is the one who will be directly effected by not turning in her homework. If you think she is old enough, I'd say let her take on the challenge alone, and suffer the consequences of low grades. I'm not sure if at 11 the low grades would be a big enough consequence.

[Mary Cat]

Maybe if there are any other kids that have parents in the service they can have a "play date" so they can relate? It might help ease her stress a little bit