Why are people so effing inconsiderate!???

[happilymarried]

I am so SICK and TIRED of hearing people say shit like"i just dont see how you do it","What kind of a relationship is that!?" "What are you supposed to do?","What if he dies?"OMG!!!And so i am trying so effing hard to stay positive through this deployment,and my father in law was like"Good thing you jus talked to him (my husband) today,cuz a lady jus said 3 soldiers died"i was like shut the f up!!!GRRRRR!!!!Why the hell are people so inconsiderate!?WAAAA!!!

[Spahr]

It sucks hun I know! I can't believe your FIL would say that! A lot of those things are typical "civi" things to say... You never really know how your going to handle it or what you are going to do until you are in that relationship. I know I used to ask people in long term relationships if they would leave their S/O if they had to be seperated for a long time because of work and usually they'd say no and I'd say so why I would leave him? I unfortunatly lost a lot of friends when I started dating a military man simply because I couldn't stand listening to all the how why's and If I were yous. But if these are really close friends I would def talk to them and explain that they arent helping and tell them what they could do to help and if they aren't friends you just need to blow em off or come vent to us!!!

[Danie]

It is hard. But you just have to remember that you love him and therefore you just do it. I know that is the Nike saying, but I'm serious. I get asked that all the time... and really... you just do. You love them so much that you will go through thick and thin to make it work. Keep your head up, and remember that they are ignorant. Really... they just don't know any different. And if they ever got put in that situation, they would lose it! Keep your head up!

[Lisa]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you but Danie and Spahr said it perfectly. People are ignorant and they don't understand how their questions affect (affect/effect?) you so much. I honestly know exactly how you feel but on top of all of those horrible questions I used to get people (sometimes former military) that would come into my work and tell me D was going to cheat on me. They'd say EVERY guy in the military does.
Really? so there's not one faithful person in all 3 million of them?
You just have to take everything people say with a grain of salt and let it roll right off your shoulder. You know how much you love him and he loves you and thats how you get through deployments and the hard times.
and the "what if's" well you'll just handle those IF they ever come.
we're always here for you!

[happilymarried]

It sucks hun I know! I can't believe your FIL would say that! A lot of those things are typical "civi" things to say... You never really know how your going to handle it or what you are going to do until you are in that relationship. I know I used to ask people in long term relationships if they would leave their S/O if they had to be seperated for a long time because of work and usually they'd say no and I'd say so why I would leave him? I unfortunatly lost a lot of friends when I started dating a military man simply because I couldn't stand listening to all the how why's and If I were yous. But if these are really close friends I would def talk to them and explain that they arent helping and tell them what they could do to help and if they aren't friends you just need to blow em off or come vent to us!!!

Thank you for understanding...They are jus ignorant i guess.i tell my husband that their spouse jus isnt worth all this waiting and being apart,,but he is.and i am sorry you had to loose friends..but i understand..they jus don't deserve you..

[happilymarried]

It is hard. But you just have to remember that you love him and therefore you just do it. I know that is the Nike saying, but I'm serious. I get asked that all the time... and really... you just do. You love them so much that you will go through thick and thin to make it work. Keep your head up, and remember that they are ignorant. Really... they just don't know any different. And if they ever got put in that situation, they would lose it! Keep your head up!

You are so right..you love them so much..you jus do it!its not like you have a choice..And yes..they would loose it..thanks for understanding!

[Nuky Loves Nue]

:gah:That really sucks. Civs are civs because they don't fully understand that when our men/women join the military we do too. When our men decided to fight for our country, essentially we did too. They don't understand how much we have to put up with. They are not strong enough to do what we do. We have to support our men/women and hold everything together here at home so our hubbies/wives can do their job. While our hubbies are fighting over there, we have to fight here. It's not fair and it's not right, but that is our job. Like it or not we just do it like Danie said.

I'm sorry you are having a frustrating time with people. Sometimes they say something to try to help or support you, but they don't understand they are adding to the frustration. Keep your chin up, and if you need anything you know you can always come here.

:bighug:

[Spahr]

honestly for me, it was for the better. A lot of them were dragging me down or in the same place in their life as they were the day we graduated high school and going no where fast. And even those I am still friends with I'm not as close to as I was. Plus not everyone understands loyalty and faith like a military spouse!

[Cortnie DeNise]

Sometimes people don't realize how ignorant or stupid their comments are. You are fortunate that you talked to him so kudos for phone calls. Ignore them, and come and vent to us. :bighug::bighug:

[snwalways41903]

hun i totally understand i went through the same thing with my inlaws always telling me how stupid my hubby was for joining, and its like um what the hell your his parents show some friggin respect and support!! as for the others who say dumb crap i had to distant myself from them they dont understand how ignorant they are, im so sorry hun i hope they ease off cause you dont need that crap! hugs!!

[MrsJoey]

I agree with everything the girls have said so far-I think we’ve all been there and gone through it. its VERY frustrating:throwinfit:. Ive distanced myself from friends as well as a result. Cause ya just don’t get it,till you live it.
Recently my frustration with this was work-they acted like it was a huge deal to have time off work to be with him,after not seeing him for 11 months. I just WISH sometimes theyd put themselves in my shoes-like hey what if YOU didn’t see your husband for 11 months or more? Have a heart people! Its made me hate my job and the people I work with.:badday:
Friends don’t get it unless they live it,like I said. Its normal. I try not to judge or jump down their throats but sometimes its hard with how ignorant people are.

We’re a special breed ladies.:rockon: Not all can do what we do! just hang in there and like everyone said-you can ALWAYS come here and know theres a big group of girls who understand completely :)

[Kristen]

I have shut A LOT of people out of my life because of things like that. Deployments are hard enough, but when ignorant people start saying ignorant things like that it makes the deployment especially hard. Just stay strong and try not to think about it too much.

[Courtney]

I haven't experienced much of this yet because we are so new to this. The only thing I've heard is "why would you let him leave you and your daughter?". And I work with some vets and they have all said "he'll be a different man when he comes home from war. He won't be your husband anymore". One guy in my office even said "say goodbye to your nice caring husband because he'll be an a**hole after the army gets ahold of him". I just ignore it because I know my husband and I know our love. We can make it through anything.

I am sorry these people, especially your FIL, are so inconciderate to your feelings. It's hard not to let it bother you.

[a-m]

I'm sorry girl! It's hard. I think it's people who ask stupid questions like that, that make deployments 20 times worse than they have to be. I wish they would just suck it up and realize they are too pathetic and weak to be able to hack it.

[Kathryn]

Ya we have all been there and have had to experience this! I had this girl tell me this weekend.."How can you go that long without having sex??Because I have sex like 10 times a day! Oh but I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything." I was like umm wel first of all you're not making me feel bad bc I dont mind waiting and I'm not a slut like you..Haha

You just gotta let it all go through one ear and out the other..they have no room to state their own opinion if they don't even know what the hell they're talking about. We don't need their 2 cents! Keep your head up and we will prove all of them wrong :)

[Lindsay]

i know girl it sucks.
people ask me the same exact thing- i went to my sororities date party on valentines day and people kept asking me what its like to be so far from someone you love on such a romantic holiday. i think that is so disrespectful- do people not think before they speak?!
i just have to know to stay positive and ignore what other people say. at the same time i have a lot of friends who are there for me and are considerate about what they say to me.

[Lindsay]

oh and the other annoying thing is that the girl i used to be best friends with, called me completely out of the blue the night before valentines day to talk about HER boyfriend and the amazing time they were going to have for valentines day.
keep in mind i introduced her and her bf (who is aarons best friend) and she acts like shes completely oblivious to my bf being deployed...grrr :mad:

[Christy]

Peoples ignorance is amazing sometimes. Like the other girls said, we have all been there and you just gotta smile and let it roll off your shoulders. It sucks, but it just reminds me of how much stronger I am then they are.

[happilymarried]

Girls ya'll are so amazing!!!!You actually understand!!it means the world to me to have someone who jus understands,,i am visiting his family this weekend and week and they just keep saying stuff on and on!!!!GRRR!!but then i think of you who told me to shrug it off,and i try.its hard,but,ya know,we are jus so much stronger than they are!!so imma try to let it be my reminder.=)And i also had someone ask me how i go this long without sex..for real..i wait for it gladly!!i am not an effing slut!!!Thanks girls!!~HUGS~you guys rock cuz i dont really have military support around home,an its awesome to have ya'll!!!

[Lovey]

OMG Marie that is soo aweful of him to say that. Some people love to speak before thinking of how it will make us feel. Drives me nuts especially when I get people always asking hows he's doing, but never once ask me how I'm doing! It makes you feel like you are less important. Just brush it off and pour ur frustrations on us! When they ask how do we do it, it's cause we got other women like us all over the country to share our feelings with so we don't feel alone!

[Lana]

I wouldn't have blamed you for punching him for saying that to you. I would have, for sure. All the girls have pretty much said it all - but yeah, I never thought I'd get mad at civis for being ..well..civis but it gets really hard and they can't understand. They get impatient and can't handle our job. It sucks, definitely.

[Belinda]

Thankfully Erik is from a military family, so his family all have a pretty good idea what I'm going through (his brother, father, uncle, grandfather, etc were all military men).
But I totally agree about friends. One of my friends called me on Valentine's Day to tell me that she was sad. I asked why, and it turns out she was sad because her man had just left to drive back to his school...after they had spent THE WHOLE DAY TOGETHER. I almost hung up I was so pissed off, cause I had just spent the day alone.
And this is why I hang out on here with you FAB girls who understand how I feel.