advice: send?

[Jamie]

okay i am having a very tough time with this so called 'space'. i wrote derrick out this medium length email basically expressing how i was pissed about what he was doing. i get he needs his spce and wants to be happy again. but frankly, i feel like i am giving up everything i have ever loved and everything that made me happy just so he can figure out his shit.

when i do text him [which really isnt that often, and far from nagging] it's llike he's annoyed. this morning i asked when i would see him again and he just said he didn't know. i feel like if i knew when i would see him again, this would be easier for me. i would have something to look forward to.

i don;t know how much 'good' this space is doing for our relationship. if it's this terrible two days in, its going to just get worse, i really dont see it getting better.

anyways, do i send him the email saying all this? how i'm angry that ive had to give up everything just for his happiness? and i hope he figures his shit out soon. and that i basically dont have a permamnent address and all i want to do is come home to him. and that i feel like i'm losing him.

should i just suck it up a few more days or should i let him know how i feel? even if it risks him getting mad? part of me feels like he won't give a shit. he won't care. that's how he makes it seem, as if he could care less about me and his happiness is the most important thing...well what about me? i'm not ready to give up on this relationship or let him go...but i feel like that;s where it;s leading and i dont know how to stop it.:waterworks:

[Lindsey Elizabeth]

Ok, so I have a question, why does he want "space"? I mean, think about it, theres got to be a good reason. and I can think of a few. I do not want to sound harsh, and please don't take it that way. Quite possibly, he could be scared, commitment is a big thing for guys, believe me I know. But also there's the fact that maybe he wants you guys to have time to yourselves to figure out what your relationship really means to you two, possibly to figure a few things out. I don't know my mind's going blank as I type this. Just know that if he really want this to end he would have ended it, he wouldn't have just asked for space. Things work out, I truly believe that, and in the end this space could provide for alot of better things to come, with him, in the picture. As women, I've realized we like to be in control of our lives (I guess anyone is like that) and the fact that he's in control of the relationship right now is scary, but calm down, breathe a little, I'm positive things will work out for the best.

[Jamie]

he thinks we rushed into moving in together and he says he isn't happy. he just got back from a deployment and is having a very hard time adjusting to it.

[you dont sound rude at all :) ]

[Lindsey Elizabeth]

hmm, well deployment...as you know can be very hard on a guy. One of my best friend's, who is a marine told me online "i'm just a awn on a chessboard waiting to be taken by the other team" boy did i get mad. But, I just want you to know i'm rooting for you, i hoe things get better, i'm sure it won't take him long to want you home....

[littleurban]

Hey Hun!

I would def. wait a couple days..maybe next week even?? just because if it seems like he is annoyed just when you send him text messages, I could see the e-mal making him more annoyed and more distant than he already is.

I hope things work out! and like I said if you need to talk, I'm only a text away :)

[dawgangel24]

I think you have every right to tell him how you feel! I think he's thrown a wrench into your life by being honest about his feelings, right? If it makes him mad, that's honestly his problem (just my opinion) because from what you have said it doesn't sound like it concerns him that much that you have a problem with his true feelings. I'd say go for it!

[KristiMarie]

The biggest part of a relationship is COMMUNICATION. OF course you should be able to tell him how much hes hurting you. If you cant tell him that, then who can you really tell? He needs to know hes hurting the person who loves him more than anything!

[Tissa]

Yes I think you need to tell him at some point but I think you might want to wait a bit. You can try writing out the email and saving it just to see if that helps sometimes just getting my feelings out would help. Like I said before my hubby and I went through a long period where he wanted space, he moved out after living together.
Take some time for yourself what do you like to do? Do you have girlfriends in town you could go hang out with?
If not maybe take a class or join a club of some type.
You could also look at some relationship books Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus talks alot about men needing space and how women need to let go sometimes just so he can collect and come back.

Good Luck!

[Jamie]

Karen- I'm OBSESSED with self help/relationship books. i'm the iphone of self help books. haha [but apparently i can't take it myself huh? lol] every time a friend says they have an issue they tell me about it and i'm like 'omg i have a book for that!' haha

i talked to him a little bit about how i feel. it honestly feels like he's happier without me but i dont really know..he doesnt want to break up but part of me feels like i'm along for a long break up ride...probably not true but can't help myself...anywaysssss i'm trying my best to give him the space, its just been very hard for me because now i;m the one not happy. i worked very hard VERY HARD to get and furnish our apartment and now i can't even live there. it stinks/

i dont know when i'll see him again and he can't tell me so it sucks...i'm really trying i just am not sure how to adjust.

[Spahr]

I think you have every right to tell him how you feel! I think he's thrown a wrench into your life by being honest about his feelings, right? If it makes him mad, that's honestly his problem (just my opinion) because from what you have said it doesn't sound like it concerns him that much that you have a problem with his true feelings. I'd say go for it!

^ couldnt have said it better myself!

[Jamie]

when i talked to him this am [didnt send an email, havent talked to him since] he pretty much said my texts are all bitching how im not happy and 'oh well suck it up' he said he was feeling happier without me around, but said he loved me. talk about mixed freakin signals

[asoldierssweetie]

i agree. he needs to know how you feel. it seems as if he told you how he feels and apparently thats all that matters to him. go for it girlie! :)

[Tissa]

I totally sympathize with you when my husband and I went through that period apart there were several times when I felt like we were headed for a break up.
I just focused on that fact that he still loved me and I still loved him. So I figured he deserved a chance.

I think you should give it a little time, then say next week if he hasn't said anything about seeing each other. Then ask him out, something the two of you really enjoyed before everything got weird. And then after you've spent some time being happy as a couple again then talk about some of the things you need him to hear. But approach it slowly alot of the time I didn't feel like I was nagging or complaining he thought I was. Guys see things differently from us. So just take things slow for a while.

I know all of this is really hard thats why I say you need some time when you aren't focusing on him. I found my martial arts really helped with that because it was something I was doing to improve myself away from him. But it can be anything, spending time with your girlfriends, a class of some type whatever you think you will enjoy and will take your mind off of him.

Good Luck!

[Jamie]

thanks :)
it really gives me hope knowing someone else has been there. i appreciate it.

colleen and i spent hours last night trying to figure something for me to do that's distracting...needless to say everything we thought of i'd already tried or had a downfall. boo.

[KristiMarie]

Jamie... I have faith in your relationship. Look how many times JM and I took a break from one another to give each other space. granted we were not living together... but somehow we always ended up together!!! Nothing else felt right. I know D will come around!!!!!!!

[Ameranne]

even John and I have broke up a few times... we were sort of living together before he broke up with me and I felt like I had lost everything. I just started acting like I was going on with my life without him and it really ate at him. Two weeks later he actually sat outside of my apartment for almost 3 hours begging me to open the door... best part was I was in class and so I wasn't even there but my neighbors called me and told me they were going to call the cops if I didn't come home soon and shut him up.
My opinion is to just keep moving girly! It is hard but if you can seem happy without him he is more likely to see his mistake. I just found something to do I went dancing I went out to eat I just left and I didn't make myself always available to him. When he called I let him talk to my voice mail. He claims that is what made him come back.

[Jamie]

i feel like i am trying to take this advice to heart but i dont know hiow well it's working.
my gut doesn't tell me it's over, but my heart sure is breaking. i wish this could be easier, or more clear.

there just needs to be a better form of communication

[Ameranne]

communication is hard even in marriage... or at least John and I are finding it is. We are actually working through the love dare right now.