second wedding stress

[MrsJoey]

so as most of you know joey and i got married in February with the intention of doing ANOTHER wedding--he is catholic so we need to have our marriage blessed by and in the catholic church. we also want to have a big reception with all our family and friends since we didnt get to last time--this is happening on our 1 year anniv, Feb 5th.

we hadnt talked about it much since it was so far off, but with him coming home and realizing its 6 months away have started talking about it more and more.

stress #1 --WE are paying for everything, seeing as how we're married it doesnt seem right to ask our parents to pay
which is fine and our decision BUT he will be fresh out of the army and unemployed when he gets home, we'll be looking for a house,ect. money=stress

stress#2--all the catholic stuff has my head spinning. i respect it and have no problem doing what we need to. but we emailed back and forth with his mom today and some of the junk kinda irks me the wrong way....frustrating.

stress #3-- we're talking about the bridal party. obv all three of his sisters will be bridesmaids and i assumed my brother would be a groomsmen. joey said 'why do we HAVE to have siblings?' i told him thats just the way it is, its either all siblings or no siblings bc itd be a slap in the face to whoever it was we didnt put in the wedding. he says hes never heard of that...ok...well its always been that way.
we keep going back and forth and im like 'whats the big deal!?' sure enough it all boils down to he doesnt want my brother. i understand, bc my brother...IS an alcoholic, he IS in jail right now (and will be out in a month) and has made some mistakes. im not at all defending him. BUT all he has todo is frickin stand there! i do NOT want ot leave my brother out, it just doesnt seem right.
it seriously upsets me.
i told him, one of his sisters anna-ive met ONCE (she lives in england) and we arent close at all! but im STILL asking her to be a bridesmaid. he says its different.

so whatever. we're sitting here FIGHTING over this stupid wedding. i just feel like crying. i cant leave my brother out, but i dont wanna fight with my husband. this is supposed to be fun and happy--a celebration.

i just dont even know what todo. and i dont wanna say anything to my mom or dad, OR brother--bc i dont want them to be pissed off at joey.

WTF do i do?:beggin:

[snwalways41903]

oh hun im so sorry! i dont know what to say, we had all of our siblings involved, my 2 brothers, williams 2 brothers and sister! i hope you guys can come to some sort of aggreement! good luck hun, try not to stress over it all, its still 6mo away! best of luck to you all though! hugs!!

[Danie]

Have you considered asking your brother if he even wants to participate? I mean, let Joey ask, and if your brother says no... then there's the answer, if he says yes... well, respect it Joey..( that was addressed to him... not you) I think I remember you saying you have been saving for it now. If not, you should really start. It's not cheap. Maybe talk to someone else about the Catholic traditions, school yourself and that gives you ground when discussing it with MIL. Hope that helps deary! You'll get over it soon...

[Meredith]

we did the second wedding thing but we were fortunate enough to have my parents pay for it, they are REALLY expensive though. I tried not to argue about things because they were paying for it. I'm spoiled enough that my parents wanted to do it bigger than I did so I didn't have many issues. We had asked the sibilings just to do readings originally. Our bridal party was supposed to be my 2 best friends, Mike's dad, his friend from the army and our niece. His friend bailed on us last minute and he wound up asking my brothers to stand for him. I told him he couldn't ask just one and he was fine with that. But I didn't ask his sister to be a bride's maid. But she was still included. It's hard, people get weird about weddings. I think like Danie said you could ask your brother if he even wants to be involved, or maybe compromise with Joey and ask him to do something else...which in that case would give you space to ask the SIL you don't know to do something else instead. Weddings are a lot of give and take and a LOT of compromise. Mike almost had a fit (he's catholic and I'm episcopal) when he found out we were going to be married by a woman, catholics don't do that. But you'll figure it out! It's gunna be a lot of stress but just remember it's for you and joey, it's about you and joey, and it's a day for both of you! don't let anyone else ruin it! And try to relax and enjoy it!!

:bighug:

[MrsJoey]

i have to go up to their church tomorrow to reserve the day and figure things out--apparently now my inlaws are saying Father might not LET us have people up there with us (aka bridal party) since its not a wedding ceremony,just a blessing on the marriage. awesome right? i respect the catholic thing dont get me wrong--i just hate being told i cant do something i wanna do in my wedding. i feel like ive compromised enough already--im trying super hard not to get so worked up over it all and take a deep breath.
if the church says we cant have a bridal party then whatever--solves the problem of my brother.

i dont think SIL from england is gonna come..she says shes 'gonna have to see' bc theyre flying in for xmas and she says she doesnt know if they can fly in again a month later. which i understand but shes giving me a guilt trip about it which kinda pisses me off.

im trying to keep a cool head and listen to what everyone has to say its just hard sometimes. ive been so worked up all day--just got home from work and had a chat with the inlaws and am fired up again. im just keeping my mouth shut for now. first step is going up to the church tomorrow so we'll see from there.

this is stupid!!

[Lindsay]

thats a tough situation, like you said its best to either include all siblings or none... like danie said, maybe check with your brother to be sure he wants to participate. im sorry i dont really know what to say. im sure things will work out though :)

[Christy]

That is tough, but I am of the opinion that family is always in the wedding. When I got married, I had my ex sister in law and we hates each other. But it's just what you do, IMO, and that's it. As far as having an actual ceremony, I don't see why the Priest won't let you. My brother and sil did a JOP wedding and they still have a full blown wedding and reception. I'm sure there is a catholic church out there in your area that will accommodate you and Joey, especially if you are willing to basically "convert" to their religion, which most of them require you do. Just ask a lot of questions and see what they say. And as far as the cost, you can find ways to cut it down and make the wedding beautiful but cost effective. That's how I did mine, if you need help, let me know!

[Christy]

Oh and be prepared, wedding planning brings out the ugly in everyone. LOL

[Kira]

If your not Catholic, most churches require you to take a class to essentially be blessed a member of the Catholic Church. Now there are a few Churches who will let you be married without the adult confirmation classes which will save you a lot of time. The Catholic Church, most anyway, also require you to go to a class on marriage. The priest just wants to make sure your understanding of marraige and all.

Adam and I were married by a City Hall Clerk and his family was dead set against it but whatever. We are both Catholic but I did not want a big church wedding, because of the cost. Now when I had Gabe a few month later we had him baptized and my maiden name was on his certificate. I asked why and it was because in the eyes of the church technically we aren't married. OK doesn't bother me a bit. Well before we left we were going to do this whole blessed by the church thing for his parents and the priest was still requiring us to go to the marraige class. I said no way. So in my eyes that would have been a whole church wedding. Why I say that is because I see nothing wrong if you want to redo your vows why you can't have a normal Catholic Wedding if you so choose. Your giving a "gift" to the church anyway so why not do things your way.

About the Wedding Party, I can agree with you. My brother asked other family and friends not me for his wedding. I was a little upset naturally but I understood. Well someone ( actually 3 girls ) ended up droppping out and he asked me anyway, then I didn't want to do it and he had to convince me. Weddings and Baptisms are so difficult, you don't want to hurt anyones feelings.

[MrsJoey]

i really agree with the sibling thing--all or nothing. all of them,or none of them. i will ask my brother if he even wants todo it but i can assume he will-despite his mistakes we love eachother very much and have been close. we shall see.

i dont have to convert to catholicism and from my understanding we DONT have todo any classes or pre-wedding stuff bc we're already married,and this wont be a wedding ceremony itll be a blessing of our marriage. joey talked to Father before we got married and they discussed all of this. i just have to agree to support Joey in his faith,as well as raise our kids catholic-thats it.

i went by the church today and they told me just to wait till joey gets home, and come meet with Father--so a few more weeks and we'll be able to sit down and speak with him about everything. Feb 5th is a Friday so they secretary assured me the church will be available.

so for now, ill just start making lists,ect getting what i can done and then when joeys gets home we'll go in and talk to Father about the specifics of whats expected of us and what we can and cant do. the topic of my brother hasnt come up again with Joey and i, im just gonna leave it alone till we find out if we can even have a 'bridal party' with a blessing of the marriage.

frustrating!!

[KristiMarie]

Im no help at all.

I ran off almost 3 months ago and got married and NEVER told my parents. John-Mark and I decided to wait till he is home to tell them TOGETHER.

Originally I thought I wanted a big wedding, but then I realized how much time and energy was going to go into it, and I completely decided against it. I mean even if we did small like we wanted, hes the youngest of 9 and I have a big family too, so really small would have been what most people considered big.

I was facing some of the same problems. I would have LOVED for my sister to be in the wedding, but she refuses, my best friend and she refused. Thats when things started getting crappy between my sister and I. She said the day I get married, her and 2 of her good friends are flying out of the country just to not be at my wedding. Geez, thanks for that one. Then Im freaked out JM's psycho birth mom would have shown up and ruined the wedding day for his side of the family. All in all, neither one of us is really religious, so I think a JOP wedding at a courthouse was the best for us. It got rid of all the hassle of EVERYONE being there, it got rid of trying to decide which siblings would be in the ceremony and who would get left out... and it saved us a HELL of a lot of money.

Im sure when my parents find out, they will be angry that I didnt do the fairytale princess wedding that i originally wanted, and that they were not there but i do have one thing going for me. My dad keeps hearing how expensive all his friends kids weddings were, and he keeps making the comment if my sister and I go to a courthouse he will give us$10,000 towards a house or a car instead! lol.

Things will work out for you girl. I just know they will. Weddings are stressful enough, just go with the punches whatever happens... happens.

[colleen]

We have been planning our second wedding all year (well I have while he's been gone, it's certainly kept my mind busy and off of things) so I know how you are feeling. And you are right, the biggest things is the expenses! It's becoming bigger than we thought, so I highly recommend writing out a detailed budget of everything and keep on track with it. Being realistic about the money you do have to spend will be beneficial! I don't however, have the problem with the people standing for us because I am an only child and he only has one sister, who I naturally asked to stand for me. That being said, could you like the other girls ask certain family members to partake in other ways, i.e. doing a reading, being an usher, or m.c. or something along those lines? I had a good friend that I simply couldn't fit in my wedding party so I have asked her to read at the church.

Planning this wedding will be stressful on you, no doubts, but it should also be a fun, exciting experience that you get to share it with Joey which is something to look forward to! Just keep talking it out and hopefully you will come to a mutal agreement.

Good luck girl, I know things will work out and you will have a wonderful wedding. Believe me the time will fly by and it will come around in no time so you are certainly doing a great job in getting started! If you have any other questions don't hesitate to ask, I'll try my best to help out and get you some good ideas!