dealing with the loss...

[Meredith]

So Mike woke me up yesterday morning at like 6 by cuddling with me lol. Normally after we turn the tv off we both roll over and go to sleep until we're both up at a normal time for the weekend. Anyway he woke me up cuddling which wasn't normal so I asked him if he was ok and he told me he was reading articles about a friend who was KIA last time he was in Iraq, I think it will be 2 years in just a few days. I guess he had gotten up to get a drink and wound up on myspace where he stumbled across the kids myspace page. The last time he logged in was apparently 6 days before he was KIA. So anyway Mike just got all cuddly and quiet so we just laid there and I rubbed his back for awhile and we both fell back asleep.

I know there's not a whole lot you can do for them, words won't erase the memories of how their friends died (and the way this kid was KIA was NOT pretty...as I'm sure most of them aren't) or the pain of losing a friend. But what do you guys do?? How do you help them??

[Alyssa]

We are dealing with a loss not even a week old, and to be quite honest, I feel helpless. One thing we do is talk about all the fun memories. But we don't talk about it for long, its a short lived topic, as its insanely sensitive for the two of us.

I feel like being a wife, it is my duty to carry the emotions for the two of us, and if he needs a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to talk to, I am there. Basically, just being there as a warm body to comfort him helps.

[Meredith]

Yeah, Mike doesn't like to talk long about it either. I actually found out about this kid in a very descriptive letter he wrote me...and he didn't mention it much after that. I know he knows I'm always here for him but like you said it's awful to feel so helpless!

[littleurban]

I haven't had to deal with anything like that. I would just say let him know you are there for him (which you did) and wait for him to come too you.

[KristiMarie]

Oh man. JM and I got hit hard right after he went to AIT. A kid on campus committed suicide, then not even a week later, one of JM best friends back home committed suicide. It was a rough time. But I felt helpless. I felt like all I wanted to do was curl up with him, but I couldnt :(


I don't deal with death very well at all, so im totally clueless as to how and help others when someone they love dies

[MrsJoey]

joeys lost some buddies in iraq--he tells me theyre gone,and thats about it. he really doesnt like talking about it. i just snuggle him and love on him,and make it known im there--i know he'll come to me when hes ready or wants to. its hard though because you wanna do something so bad but...what? its hard. it sucks anyone has to go through it.
just be there-and let em know you're there..thats all you really can do!

[Mary Cat]

Matt hasn't lost any friends in the military yet but 3 days after we graduated we were at our graduation party at his parent's house and I got a phone call from a friend saying "d" was killed in a motorcycle accident. I wasn't really close with the kid but i was still friends with him and matt knew him even better than i did. I lost it and almost fell over and it took me about 10 minutes to tell matt and we just sat inside by ourselves holding each other in silence. The two year anniversary was a few weeks ago and we both knew it but wouldn't talk about it.
Same with when his grandfather passed. I just held him and told him I loved him and that's it. I think it's easier if you can physically be there for the person. Just hold each other and love each other.. there's not much else you can do

[Lindsay]

luckily aaron hasnt had to suffer the lost of any of his buddies in iraq yet but i cant even imagine how hard that would be...
just be there for him, like you said words are hard to find in a situation like that :(

[asoldierssweetie]

we lost a lot of guys from our brigade the year i was at bragg. 2 of them were accidental suicides, very sad. and the others were in accidents. my husband does not deal with grief in a normal way. it is very "so and so died, this is how." thats it. i think i take it harder than he does, and i dont know these people. he comes to me as he needs to, when he needs to, and i dont push the issue. i am sorry for all of your husbands losses ladies.

[Jessie.Rose]

I know how you feel....Jamie just lost a buddy and state patrol classmate last month...and its tough....he'd act like it wasnt bothering him...and then all of the sudden somethin would happen and hed be like "jes...this weeks bad enough as it is..." and then i could see how bad he was hurting....and when i couldnt go wtih him to the funeral...that was even worse....so i just cuddled with him and let him know i was there for whatever he needed..

[Kristi Rae]

Jordan hasnt lost any of his buddys well at least he never told me...and I know there have been a lot of suicides at the base where he is in Iraq. At first that worried me that Jordan might contemplate suicide (he did have one very close thought about it but that was before the Marines and me) but then I remembered he promised never to hurt me if it was in his power to prevent it so he would never leave me here in any sort of way.

What i am most worried about is his grandpa's health is declining rapidly...Jordan did get to visit last time he was home and he did make a phone call a day or two ago...he called me right after he sounded so sad i almost started crying right in the store i was at. The worst part is if his grandpa does pass on Jordan isnt sure if he could make it home. I dont know how he will deal with never having a funeral even though they can be really sad it is helpful in away. I just dont know what i will do if he calls me again that sad and depressed he really sounded like he was about to cry right then and there.

[ReginaCherie]

scott ahasnt lost anyone, a guy got sent home with sever injurys, but hes going to live. i would say just be there for him.

[KristiMarie]

JM has lost a few recently... lets say it wasnt pretty... it all got taken out on me...