When do you step in? (long)

[Ameranne]

OK so this is going to be sort of long but I am at a loss on what to do so I though maybe someone would have a better idea than I do...

When my husband and I got married I moved into the house he bought in a small town where I didn't know anyone and one of the first people to reach out and try and be friends with me was this lady that I really didn't like the looks of. Now we have been here for almost a year and I have noticed some really strange things. I am tempted to call child services but I don't know what to do the rumor in town is that the last person that turned her in ended up getting beat up. I talked to one of my husbands friends who is friends with one of the higher ups in the police department that claims this story is true. I am at a loss for what to do I am scared of her finding out I turned her in but scared not to do anything. I am just going to write down some of the things I have noticed and if you have any ideas please post them.

so here are some of the things that I have noticed...

The gal has three kids and a husband that she kicks out depending on the day. Her oldest is 14 and lives with her parents. She buys alcohol for her 14 year old and takes him to the bar. One night she asked John and I to babysit for them so they could go to the bar and when we said no she got upset. At 10 that night she dropped her youngest daughter (who is 7) off on our porch and drove off before I answered the door. She hadn't been fed or bathed and I had no idea when they were coming to get her. After calling them for most of the night and next morning they finally came to get her at 4:30pm the next day with her 14 year old son passed out in the back seat of her car.

Their girls (ages 9 and 7) sleep in the same room on the same mattress which has no sheets. The oldest has some health problems and already has her period and still wets the bed. Every morning after the girls get up they flip the mattress so it is ready for the girls to sleep on the next night.

Neither of the girls have underwear that fit and most of their clothes have holes and smell. The other day when they were over here they were telling me how their underwear were so tight they left marks on their legs. Both had on a pair of shorts turned inside out so the tags didn't bother them.

We have been at their house when their mother has threatened to cut them with a knife or beat them until they stop talking. She is so forceful when she says it that she scares me.

She has now pulled them out of school to home school them but hasn't done any homework with them in over two months. She sits in her chair playing video games yelling at the girls. She never gets up and her husband is the only one that disciplines them. Both parents spend most of the day smoking in the house. I asked her husband to come over and help me with a few things since they were short on money. We gave him $50 which he spent on smokes and mountain dew.

The girls have come over here crying telling me they are afraid their parents are going to kill each other.

I have bought them bottled water and milk which they think are treats that you only get when you are good (the water here in town is bad so most people drink bottled).

Two weeks ago the oldest girl showed up at my door and asked me if she could hang out with me for the day. I was on my way to town to run some errands and told her she would have to go home. When I went to take her home no one was there and I called her mom who asked me to bring her into town with me and meet up with them. She would never tell me where they were and I ended up watching the kid for almost 4 hours.

These are just a few of the things that I have noticed going on. I know their mother has friends at Heath and Human Services and since it is completely confidential I am wondering how she found out the last person who turned her ins name and whether or not she would find out mine. What do you gals think I should do... what does it take for someone to step in and do something? What should I do?

[littleurban]

I think this puts you at a difficult situation. I mean the obvious thing in a "normal" situation would be to turn her in...but seeing as too what happend in the last situation it seems like you could be putting your family in danger by doing so--since you aren't really sure what she is capable of doing. I still say to turn her in...maybe you could do some digging around to see how she found out who turned her in the first time ? and was anything done about it??? It seems suspicious that she found out who the person was because she has friends that work there. I hate to see kids put in situations like this because they have no control over what goes on.

[Ameranne]

from what information I could gather when I talked to the cops here in town she has been turned in multiple times but people are scared of her... including the cops here in town. She went to jail for beating the gal up but it was only for a few days for some reason. She has a whole bunch of friends at HHS and I know that is true because she found out we were on food stamps when John got laid off. Which was none of her business! She also knew we were approved a day before we did for help. She is really creepy about the way she does things but I am so worried about the kids!

[Danie]

Wow... That seriously sucks! I can only tell you that it has to be done, but the problem is that it doesn't sound like CPS is doing anything to help the kids. If they gave them back to her the first time, and she is in the same situation, then CPS isn't doing their job. It's unfortunate that people are scared of her...? They should be doing their job and put her in her place, she may beat some people up, but that just causes more problems for her.

I would call another CPS, try the one in the town closest... Tell them why you are calling them, and that you fear the person would find out and hurt you too. I hope that they don't put the name on the paperwork, and I hope they can help the children. That's about the only thing I can think of right now.

[Erin]

dont even give your name. I think Danies idea would work, just dont give them your name at all. Heck you can just write a letter, right?

[Mouse]

I agree. all withhold your name and tell them exactly why or give a false name but tell them that you are?
As for this psycho if she has access to your HHS files I would be calling someone higher up (way higher up) and complaining that your "confidential" information is being leaked. Threaten a lawsuit if they don't start an investigation. We had something like that happen here. Unacceptable!
You are in a really bad spot but honestly you have got to do something. Things like this go on and on because people are scared to do the right thing. From experience a 9 year old that is still wetting the bed has a major problem. Could be physical but could also be the side effect of molestation.
Write a letter make some calls to either an agency in another town or a state agency. But get someone to help these kids.

[ashandbrons]

I agree with the girls! I work in a Daycare and we actually had a meeting about reporting abuse. You can totally do it confidentially! I would Def. call another CPS close by and let them know of the situation and tell them that she is friends with thte CPS in your town! I am positive you do not have to give any of your information! Just try not to be too precise with times and dates because when she gets the report she could figure out who reported it! I hope that helps! If you have any other questions or want the 1800 number let me know!

[ReginaCherie]

i would do what danie said. and DONT give your name. explain whats going on and why you dont want to give your name.

[Ameranne]

I never thought about calling CPS in a different town... that might be the best way to do anything about the situation.
In our state CPS works on a three strikes program (I know this because I work in a crisis nursery) which means if the kids aren't in immediate danger, that they can see, they allow them to try and make the changes to keep them. I know this would be the second time for sure that she has had something that could be considered major but I just want to see the kids get some help!
If you use the 1800 number to report does it redirect you to the closest CPS? If it doesn't that might be the way to go because in our state they can run trace to see who's phone the call came from because we are all "anonymous tipsters."
As for our HHS here in town they are all super big gossips! John wouldn't hardly walk out the door he was so ashamed when people knew we had food stamps. When I talked to someone there they told me it was probably the grocery store in town that said something (before we ever used our card). We finally took our food stamps and unemployment to a different town to use it!