Fmylife.com

[Spahr]

Check it out... cuz someone is always having a worse day than you!

"Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML"

[littleurban]

I love this site!!! I always go on it when I am having one of those days!!

[Jessie.Rose]

haha spahr! that story was great :P

[Jessie.Rose]

OMG...i read thsi one and i was like "THAT F*ING DICKFACE!!!!!!!!"
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

[littleurban]

My favorites:

Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML

Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

[Kathryn]

OMG...i read thsi one and i was like "THAT F*ING DICKFACE!!!!!!!!"
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

ooommmmggg that's HORRIBLE!!!!! hahahhahahahaha

[MrsJoey]

this is my new favorite website for real, some of them are sad but some have made me like bust out laughing!
"Today, I was at a party, and I sat down on a chair. While conversing with friends, I shifted places on the chair, and broke it. Embarrassed, I then proceeded to stand up and change chairs. After moving to the next chair, I broke that one too. FML"

[MrsJoey]

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
:69:




:busted:

[Spahr]

^^omg thats great!!!!^^

[Jessie.Rose]

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" and then my mom walked in. FML

Today, my dad got really drunk. When I was about to go to bed, he was just coming out of the bathroom, he was fully naked, I immediately turned away and said "Okay Dad, time for bed". Thinking that I was my mum, he replied with "That's right bitch, I'm your daddy, I'll show you in bed". FML

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML

[Kathryn]

Hahahahah

[Kathryn]

Today, my mom and I went to the store. I asked her to go get me coconut smelling shampoo and tampons while I lingered by the magazines trying to talk to this cute guy. My mom comes around into our aisle and says "I smelled all the tampons and none smelled like coconut, so I just got you these" FML

[Danie]

Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML


/\/\/\/\
l l l l

HAAAAAA

[MrsJoey]

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/


my SIL sent me this, some of these are really funny!

[Kathryn]

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/


my SIL sent me this, some of these are really funny!

I posted a thread on here with that website like last week..lol It's freakin funny!

[Jessie.Rose]

ill check er out!

[Jessie.Rose]

OK best one I've seen EVER lol

"I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!"


and the comments are hilarious too!!

Best convo I ever had was with a naked Indian who brought all his muppet friends!

well i've been high off weed and i raced dragons back to my house. dragons do exist with weed, 1:47! you just have to believe :)

Interesting, because in fact, i was high earlier today and hallucinated dragons

FUCK YEAH, THIS WAS FROM MY ZIP CODE

[Jessie.Rose]

(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

(248): apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.

(954): I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.

(207): it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.

[Spahr]

lmao I love these sites! I know of a few more but I can't think right now :-(

[Spahr]

Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

[Spahr]

(415): Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

texysfromlastnight

so i think the weekends r the best time to read these sites!!

[Spahr]

http://www.givesmehope.com

The opposite of fmylife.com.... but its a good one!

[Spahr]

For example
Two years ago, my husband and I were planning to get divorced. My mother was dying of ovarian cancer and didn't know we were separating. Her last wish was for us to work out our problems and not get divorced, so we agreed we had to at least try. I've never been happier. I've never looked back. GMH

[Lana]

holy crap these are hilarious!!

(408): hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
(1-408): if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends


(207): I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.

[Kathryn]

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

[Belinda]

"During WWII, my friend's grandpa was captured and tortured, but he refused to reveal his mission. The japanese said if he didn't spill, they would kill the other five captured men. He wouldn't budge. He escaped, but he had to live with their blood on his hands. 25 years later, he found out they all lived. Not a single one talked. GMH" :)

[KristiMarie]

so as if i dont spend enough time avoiding homework already... you laides just had to remind me about FML... and show me those 2 other sites... THANKS JERKS lol

[Kathryn]

anytime hunny bunny!!!!

[Spahr]

(334): I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
(205): Win!

lmao I loved this one!