He broke up with me.....

[littleurban]

after not speaking to him for 2wks (which is long for us--we usually talk everyday) He writes this:

Hey,



I’ve found out recently that I won’t be home in a long time. I told you I’d been pushing for another deployment as soon as possible, and I think I’ll get it. I’m sure you won’t be very happy, or maybe you will, but I won’t be home this summer…or maybe even a lot longer than that. I’m hoping to even be home for Christmas. I don’t think this is going to work if I’m never able to get home. I don’t want you to think I’m a manipulator like your friends think I am or probably still think I am, but I’m trying to be realistic. A once a year reunion just doesn’t work for a new relationship. Most marriages in the military like that don’t last. I think you’ll be mad at me, but in the end probably agree. I appreciate how much effort you put into trying to make it work, and maybe it would have if this next deployment hadn’t come up, but I don’t want to speculate. I hope you’ll still write when you get the chance, and if you need anything let me know. Maybe I’ll see you sometime this winter, but I don’t think I’ll even get home by then. I’m glad to be getting another deployment, but I’m disappointed that this won’t work out. I’ll be gone for about a week or two, but if you write back I’ll return your email when I get internet access again (I might get it sooner than two weeks).



Sincerely,

Matt

[littleurban]

I know that this is the military and stuff like this happens.... I just can't believe he gave up just like that.

I haven't responded yet--think I'm going to take a walk and make sure I get everything in this e-mail that I should...so any advice on what to make sure I don't forget to include would be amazing!

I just want to write him and tell him what he told me before he left for this deployment that he is worth the wait. the effort. the time
but I don't want to be that crazy ex or whatever but at the same time I think he needs to know how I truly feel! any advice on this?

I know he is being realistic and I should just let it go but I'm stubborn and don't want to just give up! I know this is a new relationship (made it official Jan 1st) but I have known him a lot longer than that.

:tissue::tissue::waterworks::waterworks::(:( :tissue:

[Spahr]

Oh hunny I'm sorry! Boys suck butt! From what I gathered reading that he still wants to keep in touch and it's just the deployments that worry him. I'm not exactly good with this kind of advice but I think that if you want to make him work and since you are the one waiting you should make the choice of whether or not it will be too hard for you. I understand it's hard to have a relationship that keeps you guys apart for years at a time. Mere might be able to give you some better advice but her and Mike have been apart longer than they have been together (I think). I think you should def. decide whether you want to email him back or not. You have 2 weeks to figure it out and write and re-write what you want to say. Def. give yourself time to calm down! The email he wrote sounds like a business agreement and almost like he is trying to detach himself before he can think about what he is doing.

If he wasn't in the military I wold say his loss and ur first drink would be on me ;) but I know that these military men get all this craziness in their heads and need to be reminded every once in awhile that they have a great thing! I hope I helped a bit!

[Jessie.Rose]

yeah im with spahr....im not one to be givin this kind of advice....but i think you should let him know how you feel...but from what im gettin from the email...he really is just doing this not to hurt you, he doesnt want you to be stuck alone all the time...and these military guys get that way....but give yourself time to think about exactly what you want in your email and exactly what you want to say....and keep us updated on what goes on hun!!!! im sorry that this is happenin for you and i hope things all work out!

[Meredith]

I agree with Spahr and Jessie, it sounds like he's trying to do the right thing. While Mike was deployed he FORCED me to tell him what I would do if he died. Only to find out later they had been ambushed while on patrol and while he was finally crashing after the adrenaline rush thoughts of everything flooded his mind. I wouldn't push him to stay with you but I do agree with Spahr..you need to tell him that it should be your decision what is too hard for you. But if he insists on not giving it a chance just hang in there as a friend. Besides the breaking it off he was by far from being a jerk. And maybe if you just hang in there as the amazing friend you have been for him he'll realize that he was stupid for thinking it couldn't work. He's right, a lot of military marriages don't make it through the strain and the absences BUT a lot of them do! So just hang in there hun. Maybe he's just going through a "thing" and he'll come around!!

:bighug: We're here for ya girl!

[KristiMarie]

Girl my heart just about broke. I can tell you this much. In 2 1/2 years John-Mark and I have seen one another 7 times in person now, many of which were just a day or 2 at a time, and one of those he drove 5 hours to my college to spend 3 hours with me before he moved to texas for his first duty station.

He is right, it is hard. JM and I fought many times and broke up a LOT over the distance, but we always stayed friends, our longest breakup was 3 months when he was dealing with a drug problem also in his life and I was dealing with a relapse into cutting myself again because I couldnt deal with it all, but we always worked things out. We talked every chance we got, and I always told him I loved him, even though we werent together, becasue I did. He was my best friend and to this day still is. What we realized was that no matter what, even though it SUCKED being away from one another, we couldn't live our lives without each other. We also realized that we needed to straighten our own lives out, but without each other we never would have made it through what was going on in our separate lives at the time.

2 1/2 years later, 7 visits to each other and we are now married. Our relationship is even stronger now than it ever has been. Don't give up. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you want to be there waiting if thats what you really want, you have 2 weeks to think about it, take your time and relax. Do what YOU think and KNOW is whats best for you. Let him know if HE isnt ready for this relationship because HE is scared of the deployments that its ok and YOU are worth the wait. Let him know you will be there for him, his best friend... after all YOU MARRY YOUR BEST FRIEND ;)

Stay strong girl, it will work out for the best, trust me. Whatever the best situation is things will work out. deployments are scary, the guys won't admit to that, but they are, and it does freak them out admitting they might miss precious moments in YOUR life. JM and I regret A LOT of things. We have spent 1 holiday together, He has only been to 1 track meet of mine, I havent been to ANY of his military stuff (and it killed me I couldnt be there). He doesnt know if he will be at my college graduation, and after I graduate, we may face being deployed back to back, or at the same time, but its okay, WE WILL BE OKAY. The lack of communication does suck, especially in a "honeymoon stage" relationship. Just let him know you are there and you yourself have fears about him being gone a lot, but let him know its the military and you KNOW deployments happen. Let him know you are prepared to be there waiting for him when he gets home, whenever that may be.

Ill PM you my cell number, if you need to call call or text (i have unlimited!!) any time day or night!

[dawgangel24]

Wow, we are a bunch of really wise women, aren't we ladies? Our men have put us through some things, but it's made us stronger in the end. My main complaint with this email is, he's not letting YOU decide if you want to be alone all the time or not. I don't think that's necessarily his decision to make. I know he's just trying to keep you from being hurt, but I would ask him why he doesn't think you can handle it. Just my opinion though...

[Cortnie DeNise]

Think about what you want. If you want to be with him then let him know that. Let him know that deployments are a part of the military and they come along with the territory. This is the type of relationship that we will have to have while you are deployed. We have to find other ways to communicate. No its not like any other relationship, but you do what you have to do and when you can to make it memorable. If you are willing to be there then let him know that. Let him know you will be thetre for him...its not always going to be easy, but that you will be there. Not to give up because of a deployment and distance, but to find other ways to make it better.

[littleurban]

Oh hunny I'm sorry! Boys suck butt!


ha ha ha.. I def. needed that boys suck butt comment! def. made me laugh!

Thanks so much for all of the advice ladies!! I do not know what I would do without you ladies!! You ladies are the best! :rockon:

I am working on his letter and will let you know how everything turns out!!

[Lindsay]

im not great at giving advice about this kind of thing...but like the other girls said, i think you should just tell him how you feel. and im with lora- what makes him think you cant handle it? and along with what cortnie said, was he expecting the deployment to make things easier? because thats never the case- he knew that the deployment wouldnt be easy its just a matter of working through it.

let us know how the letter turns out!!

[MrsJoey]

I am SO SORRY girl :(
I agree- be bluntly honest and let him know how you feel. I went through this with joey-we were broken up for 3 months,and it was SO hard. But I still continued telling him how much I loved him,im sure at some moments I DID look like the crazy ex but I didn’t care-and now? We’re married. Its hard and it sucks-ive been there. just let him know how you feel, that’s what I did. I fought for him.
Follow your heart girl, I really REALLY hope it works out for you!

[Kathryn]

Oh hunny I'm sooo sorry!!! I agree with everything these girls have said. Tell him how you feel and try to stay friends with him. Boy can be crap heads..as we all know I'm sure. We are here for you and I love you!! My number is on my facebook if ya need to talk you can text me! =]

[Kira]

I really can't offer advice since I was married long before the Army, but I want to let you know I am here.

I think everyone gave you great advice. Follow your heart!

[Mouse]

I would say give it sometime write to him and maybe this is just a passing panic type thing? I'm not the best one to give advice on this as my realtionship is so unstable. But if you want to chat then PM and I'll give you my cell # I'm a textin queen. :bighug:
Hope it works out for you.

[Danie]

Hey...
I just want you to know that sometimes you have to let go when they push you off the stairs... Evan and I were married right after my first deployment and he was stationed on the East Coast, while I was stationed on the West coast. We had been separated (not by choice) for almost 5 months and I said I wanted a divorce. Now mind you... I was frustrated... I thought we weren't going to be together again, and it was better for us to be able to live as we wanted, and also be able to find our futures... Boy I was wrong. Evan was very hurt, and confused, but he didn't fight it. He said ok, and told me the paperwork was up to me to start/finish. Letting me figure it out on my own was the best thing he could have done. He still called me, and wrote me emails, but didn't force anything on me. He loved me through it all, and that is what allowed me to see that we could make it through anything.

I know it's hard, and it hurts. But remember that what he needs right now is for you to support whatever decisions he wants to make. I am sure that if you just tell him how you feel, and let him know that you support him and are still there for him, he will have more love and care for you then he even knows what to do with. I hope it all works out for you. And if you need to... feel free to share my story with him. We were a dual military family for 8 years and it does work... but it takes work!

[ReginaCherie]

oh honey im so sorry.

im a little late on this. theres not much i can say that these girls didnt already say. but im here if you need me. just call.

[Christy]

I'm really sorry girlie. I hope it works out for you and remember, we are here for you!! :bighug:

[littleurban]

Thanks ladies for all your advice and support!!

I am almost done with the letter--I write some then sleep on it and re-read and re-write... lol.

I am going to hopefully send it out by this weekend through motomail, that way he has a hard copy and can think about what he is going to say back.

I am so SCARED to send this e-mail out!! I don't think I have ever gotten this way about anything! I am seriously making myself sick to my stomach just thinking about what his response is going to be!! He is a "tough" guy and doesn't show emotion because that's for pussy's so I can only imagine it being a two sentence e-mail. Sometimes I think WHY did I let my guard down, why did I fall so hard for him when I told myself not too!! Why did I finally realize now how much he means to me!! I fell in love with someone that I shouldn't have basically!!!! that's right I'm in love...when the hell did that happen!!! I only realized that when i was talking to one of my guy friends and he said well you are in love you can't help it!! Whoa was that a reality check for me!! ( I know that sounds kinda weird, but coming out of a 5yr relationship..falling this hard for someone was far from my mind and it took all of this for me to realize it)

Sorry for the random vent...I really need to work on that. LOL

[Cortnie DeNise]

Just take your time with the letter. If you want to talk PM me. I have unlimited text so message me your number. :bighug: