to re-enlist or not to re-enlist

[Jamie]

That is the question.

So background info. Technically derrick is out of the air force but he still works for them and does everything the same, he's just not really in. Anyways, we're coming up to the end of this year deployment and I'm honestly afraid. Of our immediate future. With the way the economy is right now it's so hard to find jobs and make ends meet. He hasn't really been a civilian in five years and he doesn't understand how hard it is.

Anyways, he has no job for when he comes back as of right now. He has a few offers but they're like part time jobs and they aren't even definite. I know there's no way I can support both of us on my pay and really it's going to be hard no matter what.

He's brought up re-enlisting once or twice but now we're getting to the point where he needs to make a choice. I am going to support him no matter what, but I just hope whatever happens it works out.

Part of me really wants him back home all to myself and never leave me again more than a few weeks. But the other part is really worried about us on all other levels. It's not my place to tell him what to do but I just don't know. I know that we could do it...we survived one year, we could. Survive another. Who knows. I feel wrong saying 'I think you should re-enlist' and even if I did say it I feel like he would think I don't care or don't want him around or something.

...Any advice? Like either how to feel more calm about the situation or bring it up with him? Anything!!!

[Mouse]

just ask him what he wants to do. and explain to him that either way you'll be right there with him.

[Meredith]

Ohh Jamie this is a tough one. Mike and I had to talk about it for awhile the last time his contract was up and we still talk about it a lot. Mike's the same as Derrick...he doesn't quite get the instability of the civilian world, especially right now. The best thing to do is talk out the pros and cons to every situation and pick whats best for both of you now and for the future. I know it's tough but whatever you guys pick will work out in someway or another! My only advice is to to *try* not stress out about it (I know that's tough!!) and don't pressure him into making a choice...really try to make the choice together!!

It'll all work out!!

[MrsJoey]

dude joey and i are in the EXACT SAME situation. he wants out, but wouldnt MIND staying in if he changed his MOS to something else. we both know bein a civi after NOT for 5 yrs is gonna be a brick to the face, i CANT support us on my salary,ect. i mean almost identical situation. he seriously doesnt get the whole economy goin to shit thing-bc it hasnt really affected him! he has no idea. he says 'i know ill be out of work for a while and lookin for ajob ect' but i dont think he really has any idea.
we keep going back and forth, for TODAY (ha it changes alot) where we are is this: he will get out, come home,and look for a job...if it comes down to it,we are struggling,and he cant find anything then we will re-enlist,or he may look into AGR.
because military has a ton of benefits. not to mention financially we are totally fine and debt free right now,and bankin a shit ton of moolah. so...we'll see what happens.
i totally get how you feel. i told joey 'its up to YOU if you re-enlist bc YOU are signing YOUR life away to the military-not me' and if he ever got deployed again (which im sure he would) i do not want him blaming me, OR me blaming me. dont get me wrong i gave him my opinion on it and my 2 cents, but i ultimatley left the decision up to him.
i would totally be like 'RE-ENLIST!!!'....the only con is...deployments :(

stupid deployments.

but i agree with mere, make the decision together, make a list of pros and cons, and itll work out. :)

[MrsJoey]

p.s. if it helps-im freaking out and stressed ab it too girl!! as much as i want him home forever and never ever have to say goodbye ever again im scared to death bc he has no job here, no idea what he wants todo, no real plan,ect. its just...come home...try to find a job. thats where we are right now. and I? am a PLANNER! so..yeah.

i feel your pain girlfriend! ;)

[Jamie]

Mere- yeah that's pretty much what I am doing.

It's just so bad. He hates the military and hates 90% of the people...but I'm like 'uhh, I can't imagine civi life is any better?' But I feel like we would be better off if he re-enlisted. Then I have horrible feelings of being so selfish. I just know finances are hard on ALL couples. And then I don't even know if I prefer being away from him or scrapping for pennies. *sigh*

Ofcourse it's up to him, no doubt. I guess I want him to figure it out sooner. (He's so last minute. When he deployed I honestly didn't know if we were going to stay together until the last moment in the airport. Lol)

Kels- btw I'll be bothering you a lot the next few days.

[dawgangel24]

I can go ahead and tell ya'll that life post-military is HARD. My husband was just national guard and he's had a HORRIBLE time finding work, even before the whole economy in the toilet thing happened. As of right now, he's got a decent job and he's in the reserves part time, but he is trying to get a miltech job first, if not that, then recruiting. I really hated the military when he was in, but it was mostly because it cost him so much with his civi job. Yes, deployments SUCK SUCK SUCK, but we just feel that NO JOB is safe anymore, except the military. Or at least it's safer than anything else. No job is perfect, and some are worse than others, hope ya'll can figure something out!

[ReginaCherie]

scott and i pretty much in the same place. he talks about relisting, and just changing his MOS. he to doesnt really get it. in the end i say it has to be up to him and ill be there no matter what. cause in my mind he has to be the one to go to work everyday. he always says that he can get out and see what happens and if it doesnt work go back in. i hope you guys can figure something out. good luck.

[Kira]

Gosh we haven't even started but yet we are already talking about this. His contract is short though only 3 years, though.

I think you should tell him how you feel. I hope he figures everything out soon.

[Meredith]

Kelly, I'm the same as you! I'm a total PLANNER and I like to have control of my life....well thanks to the army the word control is no longer in my vocabulary! Mike sounds like he's in the same spot as Joey he has NO idea what he'd want to do post military but he's really tired of deploying all the time. If all goes well with this deployment he should be home with a couple months to spare so I think he won't ETS unless he has something lined up....otherwise it will be straight to a panic attack for me that won't stop until he gets a job lol

Jamie, sounds like you're thinking it over carefully. I know it's hard not to feel really selfish when you're making the decision with him because it is such a huge commitment. But just remind yourself that you're a couple now and you've decided that you're going to do things together which includes supporting one another so you have every right to voice your opinion about it! Remember it's not about you, or Derrick its about you both as a whole!

[Christy]

This is one thing that thankfully Jason and I don't argue about. He's staying in for his full time, he's got 6 in, he's doin his full 20 or however many years they do. He is in the AGR program and loves it. He is having some issues with getting promoted, but that's just because they are so over strength for his MOS. He could get his E6 really fast if he was to recruit, but he really doesn't want to, so he's willing to sit at the E5 for a bit longer. But we were talking about it this morning actually because he's up for Re-enlistment now. He said he's thinking he will re sign in May and go for 6 years. He's just upset because they took the bonus' away for AGR. I guess Reservists still get their bonus', but not the AGR guys. And, I guess they are taking the name Active Guard Reserve away and will list them as all Active Duty. Means no change of pay or anything, just now he's technically classified as AD.

I have told him that he can either stay in or come home, doesn't matter to me. The Army doesn't change the fact that I love him. I told him I would love him with or without the Army. It's totally his choice.

[soldiersteddybear]

well that is just a decision you are going to have to make together

[Spahr]

christy your last comment made me smile!


You know my feelings on the situation! The second Charlie mentioned enlisting to me I told him it was his decision and I wanted no say. I know how much better off we (and the baby) would be but I also know how rough it can be. So some days he asks what I think and I'm all for it and some I freak the heck out!

[KristiMarie]

Stupid Economy.

I can tell you this much. The military is such a great thing. Regardless of the reasons people joined, their rank, what branch they serve, or how long they have been in, the job security is AMAZING. JM is so on again off again about wanting out then staying in then wanting out. He loves it, but the military is like every other job... people have a love hate relationship with it. I love the military. I don't pay a dime for school, I know so many kids here who worry about how they will afford the next semester of school because after 2 years here they are already 50,000 in debt, and going farther in every day. I don't have those worries. I love the fact that the military picked up the full cost of my tuition, my books, all my nursing clinical fees (which will be about 2,000 extra on top of the almost 100,000 I will spend on my education) and then gives me spending money every month on top of that. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for the fact that when John-Mark and I do get married, we will have the financial means to get a roof over our heads and not worry about making ends meet.

As far as him, I don't care if he stays in, if he wants to get out of the military and go back to school, I am fine with that, if he wants to be a stay at home dad to the kids we hopefully have, I am fine with that. Regardless of what he choses for himself, I LOVE HIM. That will NOT change. Recently he has said he is staying in until the economy is back on its feet again, which I think is the BEST decision for now. I myself know I will put in the full 20 years, if not more. I have seen how nursing in the civilian world has treated my mom after 30 some years... and its not pretty.

I for one would much rather deal with stupid deployments than the crappy pay and benefits of the civilian nursing world like my mom. And I love the job security I know I will have upon graduation...


Jamie... I wish you and D the best of luck! Its like Christy said... you love him regardless of the military or not! Everything will work out for the best!