Jealousy and trust

[Cortnie DeNise]

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with trust and jealousy issues in a relationship? :confused:

[ReginaCherie]

sorry honey im at a lose here. i dont know what to tell you. trust isnt something that i just give out. people have to earn it, or at least not do anything to falter it. i tend to trust someone until they give me a reason not to. its hard to trust again after youve been hurt but its not impossible. as far as jealousy goes t i dont much in that of advise in that either. i know im a really jealous person. scott just never gives me anything to be jealous about.

[Spahr]

COMMUNICATION!! I'm the type of person who gives my trust but the second u lose it it's gone forever... unless it comes to guys then they have to earn it. But you have to be able to communicate and he has to be willing to listen. Assuming you have the trust and jealousy issues you need to explain to him why and what things can trigger you to freak out. He needs to be willing to listen. Both of you need to be willing to give and take a little. My issue is trust more than anything. Charlie always lets me know when he feels like I'm keeping him at arms length and I try to open up. He also knows where the issue comes from and why I can't trust people. Now before Charlie I was ALWAYS super jealous. I didn't like my guys around other girls if I wasn't there and the littlest things made me think something was off. I really don't know what is different about Charlie but I just know I don't have anything to worry about. Probably because I trust him so much. But if it's him that has the trust/jealousy issues IDK what to tell you because I think it's the person who has the issues that needs the initiative to change. I'm just sharing my experience and I'm not sure if I helped at all but I hope I did some! :bighug:

[ReginaCherie]

spahr is much better at words then i am. but you know how to find me if you wanna talk.

[Lana]

Ah Cort, this is my problem too. I have super jealous when it comes to girls and it's really hard to trust Nick because he's constantly lying about silly things. The thing I can tell you is definitely try your hardest not to dwell on things. If they happened in the past, try to leave them in the past. And if they're still happening, then you should talk to him. Trust isn't necessarily a one problem and it's gone. It should be given as much as you feel you can. I'm sorry you're having trouble with it, but I definitely understand where you're coming from. I am the same way.

[Mouse]

I wish I had words of wisdom for you here. I'm struggling with the same issues. The only thing I can say is talk to him about it as much as you can. I know it's really hard to do though. Wish I could help girl.

[Spahr]

omg yes the lying about silly things gets to me soo bad! But usually when I find out I'm more pissed about him lying than w/e it was about and he points out that if he had told me I would have been pissed for whatever it was. He also says that me not telling you isn't lying. I like to point out that if there is something you feel u can't tell me than by not telling me you are lying. IDK how to change that because he's a guy and just doesn't want me to get pissy with him over something that (later) even I realize is fairly petty. Luckily he and I suck at fighting and will be at each others throats and than crack up laughing. I think with the lying about little things we need to learn not to get so upset over "spilled milk" and they need to realize that not telling us will make us even more upset when we do find out. I think there is really 2 sides to trust/jealousy issues and you guys both need to be willing to work on it otherwise it's not going to work.

[Mary Cat]

First of all, CUTE PIC! :)

As for jealousy, dont be unless he gives you a reason to be! If he's flirting, then be jealous but don't mistake innocent conversation for flirtation either

Trust, same thing! Trust him until he gives you reason not to. If you think something is up, then just ask him about it but don't come straight out and say "You're cheating I know it!" or anythign like that

Communication deffinately is the key to a good relationship though. A lot of the time fights happen b/c of misunderstandings.

[Danie]

Evan and I have been married for 7 years now. During that time we've had trust issues on both ends. Understanding the reason behind the trust issues is a major step. He has to understand why you feel the way you do, and be willing to help you move past it. Not that it's all your doing to be able to move past it, and that's where the understanding comes in. There is something that has happened to put the trust on the fence. They may not be willing to address that issue. And that is where they come into the picture. It's not a one way street. Trust comes and goes in both directions. It's given and received for both parties. Evan and I finally came to the understanding that we weren't to get in touch with 'ex-lovers' It wasn't fair for the other person. This has been our standing since after our first real trust issue. It's helped us know that the temptation will never be there. We've also made it a point to not become 'close' friends with someone of the opposite sex. It's not fair. I have him in my life for the very reason I would have any type of friendship with that person... my husband is my best friend and I am his best friend. It should be that way in all your relationships. If they are best friends with another woman or you with another man, it's hard on your relationship. There will always be a jealous bone in their body. You have a 'relationship' (while platonic) with that person that they desire... or vice versa. If your man is not willing to discard that relationship for your relationship... you are fighting a losing battle. I'm not trying to discord your relationship or the manner of any other friendships you may have, but if you feel that way about a girl that he is talking to, whose to say that he isn't feeling that way about a guy you know and confide in. If you have a guy friend that you are not willing to cut the friendship of, then you are not ready to give your heart fully to the man you are with.

I'm not trying to be rude, or hurtful, by any means. Just giving you what I have learned and seen in many MANY military relationships. It's hard, but being AD prior, I know what friendships with opposite sex's will/can do to a relationship.

Hope that helped.... <3

[Spahr]

^^:clap::clap::clap::clap:^^ Danie said it really well and looking at past relationships a lot of issues have been around co-ed friendships... thanks for putting that into perspective!

[Lana]

Seriously Danie, you said it all perfectly. Having co-ed friends has been our problem! Luckily we're getting down to what we really want!

[Kira]

I am sorry you are going through this.:bighug:

I think if anyone in a relationship would tell you there has never been a trust or jealousy issue, ever, they are lying *JMO*. The key is how you work through it!!!

[KristiMarie]

The past is the past, leave it there, there is a reason those people and events are in the past, they DONT MATTER.

Communication is key!

[Cortnie DeNise]

Well I know for one that I am paranoid with the fact of him just being away, and the fact that being away from each other can be hard. I also am jealous of the people who get to spend time with him...weird...idk. I would just really love to be there, but based on our current situations I can't. I do ask him questions or bring it up in conversations, but I'm just paranoid and he knows that as well. Thanks Mary for the pic comment :)

[Kira]

I am the same way Cortnie. This saturday DH went off post with a bunch of guys I was so jealous. Even though I knew he couldn't just hang around talking to me all day, I was so jealous that they got to spend time with my DH.
So your not weird!

[lovingmysoldier]

Ok,Cort, I know what you mean by the trust issue..Donald has told me a couple of lies...nothing major, but that's not the point, the point is, a lie is a lie either way you look at it..big or small, they hurt all the same..and believe me, when the truth came out and he saw how bad it hurt me, he broke down and cried, because it hurt him just as much as it hurt me, and we all know that it takes a whole lot to make a soldier cry...but, I do give him his props, the first thing he did was ask me how he could make things right,and he apologized numerous times. The first lie was about his old myspace page, he told me that he had deleted it, but he wasn't sure..well, I came across it one day and confronted him about it, he had told me that his buddy who is married, (contract marriage..need I say more?) and was using my husband's pics to talk to women, so his wife wouldn't find out and for the simple fact that this man is UGLY! LMAO..he told me that if I didn't believe him, that I could ask his buddy..Well, since the confrontation, he told his buddy to stay off of that myspace page because he was getting him into trouble with me..so, we got on myspace and deleted it..that right there, gained a bit of my trust back..now, the second lie, wasn't too bad..he lied to me about his age..lol..he thought if I knew he is a few years younger than me that I would've never dated him..Now the jealousy thing, yeah I've had it, still do from time to time, but, when I see him with his female friends, I've learned that just because I've had past relationships where men have cheated on me with so called "female friends" that not every guy is the same..Donald was well aware of my jealousy issue, so, he took the liberty of introducing me to all of his female friends and they all have boyfriends/husbands/fiance`s..etc..and they show no signs of flirtation when they're around each other without their significant others, so, I know that I have nothing to worry about, I have his last name and he comes home to me every night..that is just something you and your man have to talk about..communication is always the key in having an awesome relationship! hope everything works out for the best for you! best of luck!